The Wedding

After the Thanksgiving dinner, Jeff Johnson, Eddie Johannescu and Jimmy Klosters went back to Jeff’s and Eddie’s quad. None of them had anything special to do, so Jeff suggested they all hang around the quad while they did their laundry.

Jimmy said his laundry was pretty well up to date but that he would like to hang out with Jeff and Eddie. He sat at the large round table in their quad’s lounge while Eddie and Jeff did their laundry. He was still worried about Jeff and wanted to keep an eye on him.

Between loads, Jeff asked Jimmy and Eddie for help with the big essay he was supposed to write on the concept of "normal." He said that he wanted to base it on the story "Labyrinth." He asked them for their ideas.

As a junior, Jimmy always used the web to help him so he asked Jeff if he had surfed the web to find information. Jeff said that he had but that he’d like to hear their ideas.

Jimmy had a question: "If I could wave a magic wand and remove the disability that you have and make both of you totally ‘normal’ – now, I mean it, totally ‘normal’ – with all the consequences – would you want me to do it?" He held up his hand as if he were holding a magic wand.

Jeff had an observation. "You wouldn’t be on the disabled swim team. I would probably never have met you and called your dad a ‘flaming moron.’"

"What?" Eddie hung his head down and swung it back and forth like an elephant in distress and replied "No! I love Josh!"

Jimmy said, "Eddie, I’m sorry. I was just trying to make the point that ‘normal’ is not always the most desirable thing. It’s clear you and Josh have made something great out of your love for one another. That’s better than ‘normal.’

Jeff said, "I don’t know. There are so many ways I’m not ‘normal.’ There have been so many disasters in my life. I just don’t know."

"Let’s look at the good things in your life. You told me you’re good at computers. I know you’re good at math. I’ve seen the way you think. Anything else?"

"You have a great sense of humor, too. Would you give all that up if you could speak better?"

"No, but I’d give it all up for a mother that loved me more than she loved alcohol."

Jimmy decided to drop the subject. Clearly he was opening very old and very deep wounds. "Now, it’s my turn. What about me? No way would I give up my stub. You can put the magic wand away. I like my stub and I like all the good things it has brought me."

"Well, I met you. I became a member of The Group and they have been a great set of friends. Because of my stub, I learned to ride a bicycle well and I’ve won awards, medals and trophies. No offense, but look around at all the two-legged guys on campus. How many of them are satisfied with being normal, with being average? How many of them aspire to be great?

After Jeff’s laundry was done, Jimmy asked Jeff to spend the night with him again because he was still worried about him. Jeff agreed. Then they discussed what they would do tomorrow, Friday. Jeff said that he really needed to get back into training, so they decided to spend time in the pool and exercising.

That night, before they went to sleep, Jimmy asked Jeff if he would accompany him to Tammy’s and Frank’s wedding on Saturday.

"Yeah. Like a date. We’ve already had sex so maybe we should date." Jimmy produced one of his smiles.

Jimmy again held Jeff until he fell asleep and then he stayed awake and thought about Jeff’s scars. There were many of them and apparently they ran deep. No wonder he had been crying last night.

Jimmy also was affected by Jeff’s wish to have a mother that loved him more than she loved alcohol because Jimmy’s own parents had indicated that they cared more about ‘normal’ than they cared about him. More than anything, they wanted him to be "normal." That was why they tried to force him to use a prosthetic leg.

When he was eleven years old, he began reading magazines about other peoples and cultures. He learned that "normal" meant different things in different cultures. He tried explaining that to his parents, thinking they would be happy to learn that "normal" wasn’t an infallible guide. Instead they disagreed with the idea and were angry he even brought it up.

Later, Jimmy saw a show on television about parents rejecting a child because he was different. It upset him so much that he got on his bike and rode around and around the block crying because he had become aware that his parents did not love him; they loved a ‘normal’ version of him – a version of him that did not exist. It was a bitter realization.

Friday morning Jeff and Jimmy went back to Jeff’s quad. They woke Eddie and all three went to the AC so that Jeff and Eddie could swim. Jimmy rode an exercise bike and swam.

Later they did strength training. While they were using the weights and the machines, "The LAKinator" arrived to do his exercises. He wondered what they wanted to do for lunch. They didn’t have plans, so he suggested they get lunch in the union snack bar. They agreed to meet in the Team Locker Room at noon.

When they were finished with the strength training, Jeff, Jimmy and Eddie used the TLR to clean up. Jeff noticed that the door to the TLR was propped open. The whirlpool had dirty water standing in it. Jeff asked Jimmy and Eddie to wait until he cleaned it so that they could sit in the whirlpool and wait for "The LAKinator." Jeff wondered why it hadn’t been cleaned.

When it was clean, Jimmy climbed into the whirlpool and then Jeff and Jimmy helped Eddie into it. They enjoyed the feel of the water on their sore muscles. When they got out of the whirlpool, Jeff cleaned it again.

They were dressing when "The LAKinator" came into the TLR. He had showered and was dressing when one of the football coaches came into the TLR and yelled, "Hey you, Madame Butterfly, this place is a mess. Why haven’t you been cleaning it?"

Jeff was going to answer but "The LAKinator" put his hand on Jeff’s arm. Then "The LAKinator" moved between the coach and Jeff. "What is it you wanted to ask?"

"This place has been a mess all week. Why hasn’t this guy been cleaning it?" pointing to Jeff.

"I switched with Rick. He was supposed to be subbing for me all this week. I worked for him last week and I will work for him next week to make up for the work he is doing for me this week. I don’t know what arrangements the other guys on the cleaning crew made."

"Well, no one has been working this week. I haven’t seen anybody. How do I find out who is supposed to be working?"

"There should be copies of the work schedule in the AC office. We all had to sign it. They gave me a copy."

"The LAKinator" suggested, "Why don’t we all stop by the office on the way out? Then you can show coach the work schedule. By the way, coach, my name is Gerry Polk; they call me ‘The LAKinator.’ What’s your name?"

Coach Ironton had a key to the AC office. Jeff showed him where to find the work schedule sheets in the filing cabinets. He found the one for the current week with the substitutions and the signatures. Jeff pointed out his name. "See. I’m not listed. Rick is listed in my place."

"Yes. I can see that. I’m sorry I mouthed off back there," tossing his head in the direction of the TLR. "I’m sorry I got angry but this has been a very frustrating week for me. Thanks for letting me know what is going on. By the way, do you think you could work Saturday and Sunday cleaning? The TLR needs a lot of work."

At the union snack bar, Jeff, Eddie, Jimmy and "The LAKinator" ate lunch. While they were eating, Jeff asked "The LAKinator" Jimmy’s question about the magic wand. "Last night, Jimmy asked us if we would prefer to be ‘normal’ rather than have our disabilities. He asked us to imagine he had a magic wand that would make us ‘normal’ with all the consequences. What would you say if you were offered that choice?"

"I grew up on a ranch. Believe it or not, I never felt my left leg belonged to me. I was sure I would end up with just a right leg. I knew those feelings were ‘queer’ so I never told anyone. When I had a chance, I joined the army thinking I would lose my left leg heroically in combat. Instead I lost it in a stupid accident.

"The phantom sensations are the worst things in my life right now. I’d love to get rid of them. Except for that, I’m happy with my life. I’m still as athletic as I used to be. I have great friends. I like being in The Group. I’m studying law. I’d hate to give all that up for a leg I never wanted.

"Man that’s tough subject. Does ‘normal’ mean average? Does it mean ‘most common?’ Does it mean ‘in the middle of the pack?’ Is anything unusual or different abnormal? Is the unusual or different automatically disgusting or bad?

"Think about exceptional things, spectacular things, rare things. Is the Mona Lisa ‘normal’? Is the Grand Canyon ‘normal’? Is the Eiffel Tower ‘normal’? Is a beautiful diamond ‘normal’? Is the fastest runner ‘normal’?

"Firemen run toward fires instead of away from them. Is that ‘normal’? Are firemen ‘normal’?

"Sometimes the things and people we value most are those that aren’t ‘normal.’"

"So, I guess you are saying that sometimes ‘normal’ is good and sometimes it’s bad."

"Well, not bad exactly, just not the best. It’s a slippery concept. Some people use ‘normal’ as a club to beat other people up with it. Then it’s being used in a bad way."

After lunch, Eddie went back to his room to study; "The LAKinator" went back to his room to do some reading and Jimmy and Jeff went to Jimmy’s room to look at some math magazines. Dr. Testeronomy had suggested that Jeff look for some more difficult problems because he was doing well solving the problems in his calculus book. Jeff found a problem in one magazine that looked interesting and asked Jimmy if he could copy the page so that he could work on the problem. Jimmy agreed and Jeff went to the library to use a copy machine.

When Jeff got back, he found Olney crutching down the hall near Jimmy’s room. "Eddie said you were here. What are you doing here? I came back early to talk to you."

Jeff went over and knocked on Jimmy’s door. Jimmy opened the door and saw Jeff and Olney in the hall. Jeff walked into Jimmy’s room, closed the door and locked it.

"No one." Jeff and Olney were again separated by a closed door; this time it was locked.

Jeff discussed the math problem with Jimmy and got some ideas on how to solve it. After discussing the problem, Jimmy asked Jeff if he would like to fool around. Jeff didn’t want to so they decided to go to a movie in campus town. Jimmy used his bicycle to walk there. He chained to a rack in front of the theater.

They saw The Last Year. Jeff liked it; Jimmy didn’t. They ate dinner at the snack bar in the union and discussed the movie trying to understand their difference in opinion. Jeff was intrigued by the appearance of Saint Jude in the movie. Jimmy thought it was hokey. Jeff told Jimmy that Saint Jude was the patron saint of hopeless cases and that he often thought himself a hopeless case and so had warm feelings for Saint Jude.

While they were talking, Tommy arrived and sat with them. Tommy asked what they were going to do that evening. No one had any ideas so, when they left, they stopped by "The LAKinator’s" room. He lived in graduate housing because he was a law student. He had been reading, preparing for class on Monday. He said he needed a break because the phantom sensations were bothering him.

Jeff asked him to teach all three of them how to massage his stump. "If you show us how to be gentle, it might help a lot. Do you have a heating pad? I’ve read on the Internet that sometimes warmth helps."

"That’s a great idea; I never thought of that. There’s a whirlpool in the Team Locker Room, right? I’m not a member of any team so you would have to get me in to use it."

"Why don’t we all go over tonight? I could get you in and show you how to use it."

When they arrived at the TLR, they found the door propped open and dirty water standing in the whirlpool again. Jeff emptied it and cleaned it again. He helped "The LAKinator" into the whirlpool and adjusted the temperature of the water. "The LAKinator" moved his stump around in the bubbling water until the sensations faded. He was surprised he could almost make the worst sensations go away. "Wow, this is really great, Jeff. Thank you. Only a guy like Steve would know how important this is."

When "The LAKinator" was done using it, Jeff emptied and cleaned the whirlpool. He made sure the door to the TLR was not propped open when they left.

That night, Jeff stayed with Jimmy again. Again, Jimmy held him until he fell asleep.

Saturday morning, Jimmy kissed Jeff as he awakened. Jeff kissed him back. "I have to get up. I promised to put in my five hours cleaning the TLR." He agreed to meet Jimmy in the union snack bar at 3:00 PM dressed for the wedding.

Jeff spent an hour doing his laps in the pool and exercising. Then he worked hard cleaning the TLR. He hosed down the showers and even hosed down some of the toilets and urinals. He tried to take care of the worst messes. He could understand why Coach Ironton was so upset.

When he had put in his five hours, he went back to his quad to shower and clean up. He put on a dress shirt, his dress shoes and his suit. As he was leaving the quad, Olney came out of the A bedroom and tried talking with him. Olney said that he had managed to convince his mother that he wasn’t gay and that they could fool around at SU if they were discrete.

Jeff didn’t reply. Jeff didn’t want any part of Olney’s deception scheme but Olney kept talking and talking. Finally, Jeff said, "I. Am. Not. Worthless. Trailer. Trash." That stopped Olney cold.

Jeff barely made it to the snack bar on time. Jimmy was impressed with how Jeff looked. He whistled. "Hey hot stuff."

Jeff blushed. Jimmy wasn’t dressed yet, so after they had eaten, they went to Jimmy’s room so he could dress for the wedding. Jimmy wore dress pants that had the left leg cut off short so that his stub was visible. He also wore a suit and a dress shoe on his right foot.

As they left his room, Jimmy grabbed his crutches. "I’m not going to be taking my bike to the wedding. I’ll need you and these to help me walk. Is that OK?"

The wedding was held at a small church in campus town that served university students. Because it was in the evening, there were candles around the church giving it a warm, inviting glow. The church was filled to capacity with a large number of people including all of the members of The Group from their Thanksgiving dinner.

The bride moved down the aisle using her underarm crutches. She looked beautiful in a white dress that hung down straight from her waist so that it did not interfere with her crutches. Because she could not carry her bouquet, a bridesmaid walking directly in front of her carried it for her. Jeff was happy to see that they hadn’t decorated her crutches by wrapping them in ribbons or taping flowers to them. Except for the bride using crutches, there was nothing unusual about the ceremony.

The reception, however, was different. The bride did not use crutches when she danced. When the series of dances with the wedding party and the parents came to an end, there was an additional ceremony before everyone joined in the dance. The music stopped and members of The Group got up and, holding hands, surrounded the couple. Jimmy asked Jeff to accompany him to the circle. He didn’t use his crutches; he held onto Jeff.

As part of the circle, "The LAKinator" gave a little speech wishing the couple the best and prayed for their happiness. Then the bride hopped out to join the circle while Steve and the people like Steve joined the groom inside the circle. Jimmy told Jeff he should join Steve and the groom inside the circle. Jeff was pleased to notice a woman inside as well. He thought of Keri and wondered if perhaps she and Kevin should join The Group. Again, "The LAKinator" gave a speech asking everyone present to remember that the people like Steve were incredibly precious – like rare diamonds – and should be loved and protected.

When "The LAKinator" was finished, the amputees came forward into the circle and selected a partner with the words, "You are a gift of God. I choose you." First, the bride selected the groom. Then Kevin selected Steve and one-by-one other couples formed. Finally, Jimmy selected Jeff with the same words. The music started up again and everyone danced.

When Jimmy selected Jeff, it was as if a bright stab of lightning had lit up the darkness of Jeff’s life. He understood they valued him because he was gay and a devotee, not in spite of it. The realization took his breath away. He wept quietly as he and Jimmy danced – tears running down his face – this time in happiness. Jimmy kissed them away.

When it came time to throw the garter, Jimmy and Jeff joined the crowd of men gathering around the seated bride. The groom raised her dress and Jeff could see that she was wearing white panty hose. The left leg of the hose had been cut off so that it fit snugly over her stump. The garter was around her stump. The stump was so short that the dress had to be raised quite a bit; Jeff could see she was wearing lace panties over the panty hose for additional modesty. With much whistling and hooting from the men, the groom removed the garter, stood up and threw it to the assembled men. Jeff caught it. Jimmy pounded him on the back.

The rest of the reception was fun. Jeff danced with Jimmy, with Tommy and even with "The LAKinator", who tried to beg off. No one seemed concerned that there were men dancing together and no one seemed bothered by the "in your face" attitude of the amputees: the bride figure on the wedding cake had crutches and some of the guests drank their Champaign toast from the socket of a prosthesis.

That night, when Jeff and Jimmy were in bed back in Jimmy’s room, Jeff took the garter, twisted it into a figure eight, folded it and put it over Jimmy’s thin stub with the words: "You are a gift of God. I choose you."

"At first, I didn’t understand what you were trying to tell me in The Secret Garden – that you love me the way I am.

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