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| By Donald G. Prycer |
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| By Donald G. Prycer |
Chapter I--The House
I had found it, the house I was looking for. It was perfect, on a quiet county road, ten acres of land, meadows, mature trees, a pond and a bucolic view over land that has been farmed for 200 years. And to make the place even more enticing, in the distance the majestic, tree covered peaks of the Green Mountains could be seen through the blue haze. The house was located a few miles north of Bennington Vermont, a medium sized college town in the Southwest corner of the State. Bennington is a city with a great deal of history and culture and seemed to be a perfect place to recover my equilibrium after the accident and decide on the future course of my life.
The place was an old one, built around 1840. It was a 'four square' house--two rooms on either side of a center hall on the first and second floors. The ceilings were high, about fourteen feet on the first floor and twelve on the second and the stone exterior walls were thick, about two feet. The proportions of the rooms were carefully thought out and elegant. A single story, wood frame extension containing a kitchen, butler's pantry and laundry had been added to the rear of the house in the 1890's.
The interior was in pristine condition. All of the main rooms retained their carved marble mantel pieces, crown moldings, center medallions and woodwork. Even the chandeliers were still hanging in all of the rooms on the first floor. The wide center hall contained an elegant spiral stair with beautifully carved balusters and newel post.
Everything was intact and in good condition, but the place had never really been brought into the twentieth century--there was one bathroom, in the basement of all places, and the plumbing extended only to the bathroom and the kitchen. The electricity was joke, the second floor had never been electrified and the service on the first floor was primitive with the exposed wires run in metal pipes on top of the plaster.
The exterior was of dressed, random ashlar stone, a beautiful honey color. The facade had five bays (central door with two windows on each side) and a two story, pedimented porch supported by four, elegantly carved, wooden columns of the Ionic order. The pediment had a beautiful demi-lune (half circle) window centered in the peak. The entire facade was a picture perfect example of the mature Greek revival style, so well designed and proportioned that it was probably copied from an architectural pattern book of the day or perhaps it had been designed by an architect from Boston or New York. I haven't found our too much about the original designer of the house. I am still researching.
I do know that the house had been in one family since its construction which accounts for its remarkable condition. The last descendants of the family, twin spinster sisters, Flora and Fanny Patterson, had recently died (they were over ninety) leaving it to a distant cousin who had no interest in the place and who put it on the market. When I bought the house, it had been vacant and on the market for three years.
The Patterson sisters were, to say the least, eccentric in the best tradition of the New England 'character'. They distrusted modern conveniences like electricity and had never upgraded the system their father had installed in the 1920's. There was only one ancient, rotary telephone in the kitchen. The house had to stay exactly as 'papa left it.'
When the relative put the house up for sale, he did not want to pay for improvements or clean-up of the house. It was to be sold in the as is condition exactly as the sisters had left it. He didn't even bother to go through the house and keep or sell items of value.
Thus the house still contained the Patterson's furniture, household goods, personal items... and a lot of their accumulated junk. Like all true eccentrics, the sisters never threw anything out; they just squirreled it away in the basement, the attic, the barn or the unused rooms on the second floor. Apparently they lived in only the dining room, the library and the kitchen and seldom went into the rest of the house. Not quite the Collier Brothers but close to it.
The eccentricity of the sisters was my saving grace. I could have never afforded the place if it were not in such a mess. Most of the other people who saw the house never got past the entrance hall, looking only at the mess, smelling the musty odor and fleeing in panic or maybe disgust. I saw the potential, made an offer of half the asking price that, somewhat to my surprise (and not just a little trepidation), was accepted. I closed soon after.
Chapter II--Me
Oh, by the way, I guess I should tell you a little about myself. My name is Matthew Cross (my friends call me Matt). I am 29 years old. I grew up on Long Island and New York City and, until I moved to Vermont, spent my entire life there. Before the accident, I was a well known and sought after model. I worked regularly, mostly in the print media, often modeling bathing suits, underwear and clothes that left most (and sometimes all) of my body bare. I loved to flaunt my body, I was definitely an exhibitionist. Sometimes on a lark, I worked as a dancer/stripper at a few of the best gay bars in New York. I was a real hunk, just over six feet, one ninety, with a slim but very muscular build, dark blue eyes and dark hair worn fashionably long. For me, it was all tight, see through shirts and pants that emphasized my ass and my equipment both of which were, shall we say, well developed.
That was then, this is now and things are a lot different.
You see, I really needed the peace and serenity of a place in the country but still close to all of the modern amenities because I am now a double leg amputee and still very much in the healing process. Two years ago I was driving on Long Island (the infamous Long Island Expressway) when my car was hit by a drunk driver and pushed into the path of a truck. When I woke at the hospital, I found that I had lost both of my legs, the left about seven inches below the hip and the right about four. After numerous operations and a year and a half of physical therapy and counseling, I picked up what was left of my life and went looking for a place in the country to buy, fix up and live in while I rebuilt my life.
Like a lot of models, I was completely self absorbed and, because of that, unable to form any kind of relationship based on anything other than the physical. I had been in a series of 'love affairs' with good looking, well built young men, usually models and usually blondes--to contrast and enhance my own dark good looks of course. Like I said--totally self absorbed. My 'love affairs' usually lasted about six months. I got bored quickly.
After the accident, all of that changed. I had to confront the fleeting aspect of physical beauty and the fact that, to most people in my circle of friends and acquaintances, I was no longer beautiful and thus not worthy of their 'friendship'. Most of these 'friends' dropped me like a hot potato. My boyfriend of the week simply stopped returning my calls and never visited me in the hospital. My agent dropped me too and he didn't even send a card. The only people who stood by me during the hospital stay were my family--my Mom, Dad, my sister, Debbie, my brother-in-law, Dan and my two young nieces, Grace and Martha. Their love was unconditional, desperately needed, gratefully accepted and, for the first time in my adult life, returned in full measure.
It was hard to confront the basic shallowness of those 'friendships' of my modeling days and, by inference, of the life I had been leading. My life had been all about me. No one else was really allowed in and that included my family. I had no real friends and realization hurt almost as much as the loss of my legs.
I went into a deep depression that lasted most of the first year after the accident. With intense counseling and the love and support of my family, the depression finally began to lift. I reconnected with my family, especially my Mother, in a big way during the eighteen months of hospitalization and rehabilitation.
It was only after my emotional life began to stabilize that I decided I needed to leave New York and look for a for a place in the country. I needed to start over. Because I knew and liked the area around Bennington from weekend excursions taken the Fall before my accident, I concentrated my search in and around that area of Vermont. After looking around the town for a few days, I found a small apartment on the first floor of a house in a good area of the town and moved. It was the first step, my base of operations. I spent most of the next six weeks looking for a house to buy and getting to know the area better.
Chapter III--Seth
When I actually closed on the house and owned it (well the bank and I owned it), I had a sudden panic attack. The house was far larger than I actually needed. It was two stories with a full basement and why would a guy with no legs buy what was essentially a three story house? And of course, it needed substantial upgrading to make it livable for someone who spends a lot of time in a wheelchair. I have two pairs of prosthetic legs, one for sport and one for cosmetic purposes. I can walk pretty well using only a single forearm crutch. However I prefer my chair and, in my house, hand walking. Three stories would be a bit much for hand walking.
I had to find a contractor that I could trust and I had to do it fast. I needed to make the place livable with a minimum of delay since I couldn't afford to keep two places for very long and also pay for the renovation. I interviewed five local contracting firms before Seth Williams walked into my life. The name of his firm was Bennington Restorations Inc. and he had been in business for about twelve years. His resume was impressive, he had worked on some of the finest houses in Southern Vermont and Western Massachusetts.
I liked him as soon as I spoke to him on the phone and when I actually saw him for the first time, my first impression was immediately reinforced. He was thirty eight years old with shaggy, light brown hair and green eyes. I loved his eyes--they were open, friendly and surrounded by laugh lines. He was about five feet eleven, compactly built and muscular with no trace of a middle age spread. His hands were large and callused from hard work, his hand shake firm. His voice was pleasant, low pitched and musical. So was his laugh.
We met at my house for the initial interview. He poked around, looked in the attic and the basement, surveyed the exterior and announced that the house was in surprisingly good shape but obviously in need of a major overhaul. We talked about what I wanted in the way of additions and renovations, permits, architectural fees, electric hookup and a myriad of other things. He said that the house would need about $150,000.00 for a total job. I took a deep breath and said to myself, "OK Matt you have some hard choices to make." That amount was about twice what I had budgeted for the job including furnishings.
But, as luck would have it, my rather bleak financial outlook (disability, savings and good life insurance policy payout) was suddenly transformed the very next day by a telephone call from my lawyers in New York. The lawyers for the drunk who hit me (he was well insured, thank God) wanted to make a settlement. I had always assumed that there would be a settlement in my favor. I just didn't know when or how much. The work on the house that I wanted to do first I thought I could do with the money I had on hand, but apparently it was not nearly enough. The settlement changed all of that.
The figure the lawyers offered was substantial. My meeting with Seth had been no accident; everything in life happens for a reason. I could now restore my house, invest the remainder and live very well off of the proceeds. I signed the papers and two weeks later the initial payment was transferred into my account. My dream house was beginning to become a reality. I was finally going to have a place of my own.
Chapter IV--Start of Work
"Matt I would like to introduce you to Robert Woods. He is the architect that I was telling you about." Seth said as we set down in his office a few days after closing on the house. I extended my hand and Robert took it without hesitation and smiled. It was a worm, welcoming smile. I liked him right off the bat.
He was about forty, tall and slim with blond hair and blue eyes. If someone from central casting said send me a preppie businessman, Robert would fit the bill. He was even wearing chinos, a light blue button down shirt and penny loafers.
"So Seth tells me that you bought the old Patterson Place. Quite a house, one of the best Greek Revivals in Vermont. What do you want to do with it besides clean it up?" Robert said. He definitely had the New England twang to his voice. He looked briefly down at my stumps and then back "Seth tells me you were injured in an auto accident. Tough break" He and Seth exchanged knowing glances.
"Yes two years ago. A drunk plowed into me and pushed me into the path of a truck. Amazing how your life can change in a split second. I woke up in the hospital without my legs. Hard thing to get through, but I am making it OK." I replied, charmed by his openness and his lack of embarrassment in discussion my accident. This was probably the first time since the accident that I was able to talk about it without any drama. Robert was so matter of fact and, in response, so was I.
I continued, " Well, let me see. I want at least three more bathrooms, a modern kitchen, some closets, a finished basement with a gym and sauna, electricity . It would be nice to be able to actually see the second floor with something more than a flashlight." The other two men chuckled at that little witticism. "A heating system would be nice too. I am told that winters are cold in Vermont. I also need an elevator from the basement to the second floor and maybe into the attic if we decide to finish it. There is some great space up there. And I need to be able to get into the front door. Five steps are hard to manage in a chair or with pros. I was also thinking about a pool and pool house and a two car garage. I guess a separate building, maybe with a caretaker's apartment above it. That is about it I guess."
I saw Seth's eyes widen as I described my plans for the house. He nodded and said, "I hope that you realize that those things are going to cost a pretty penny. More than my initial estimate, maybe twice or three times what I said."
"I know, I am not worried much about the expense. My financial picture just improved dramatically a few days ago." I told them about the settlement.
Seth whistled softly. "Well I guess not. So Robert, I need to get over to the house and clean it out so you can begin to measure for the work. There is no way anyone can even get into some of the rooms."
"That bad huh? I heard that the place was pretty cluttered. Sounds like you need to get a front loader in there and start shoveling shit out the windows." Robert replied with a smile.
"You got that right." Seth said and we all laughed.
I signed contracts with Seth and Robert and the next day we all met at the house and the cleanup began. Seth, his crew of five and I worked like dogs for two weeks in the heat of that June to sort through everything in the house, save the good stuff and throw out the junk. They also removed the archaic electric system, the heating system and the plumbing system. We filled six dumpsters with the junk from the house and the barn.
We also found some interesting things. There were a few good paintings, a lot of silver, crystal and china and quite a few antiques, some of which had been bought when the house was new (we discovered the bills of lading). In fact the contents of the house turned out to be worth much more that I paid for the for the place. Not a bad deal, huh?
We also found a lot of clothes dating from the 1840's to the 1940's carefully folded away in trunks and stored in the attic. We gave them to the local historical society along with the family papers, some of the furniture and other stuff that I didn't want. The rest was packed away and put into storage until the house was finished.
When I was finally able to walk (well actually roll in my chair) through the empty house, I marveled at the grace of these rooms. This was a spectacular house! I remember sitting in my chair in the empty double parlor and watching as the setting sun moved the shadows across the floor. Seeing the dust motes in the air, the tattered wall paper, the cracked plaster, the crystal chandeliers enshrouded in dust and spider webs and the dusty, faded woodwork, the house had a forlorn, sad feel to it, but, at the same time, I could see in my mind's eye what the house would look like in six months when the work was finished. It was thrilling.
The spell was broken when Seth beeped the horn of his pickup and I snapped out of my daydream. I rolled out the front door, hopped out of my chair and hand walked down the front steps to his truck. Seth walked up to the front door and retrieved my chair, folded it and swung it into the back of his pickup. We were off to dinner at his apartment.
Chapter V--Love
The night after we finished cleaning out the house, Seth invited me over to his apartment for dinner. I was a little surprised. He was not very forthcoming about his private life. He was, I also discovered, a good cook. We had potato leek soup, a green salad, chicken sauteed in white wine and butter, polenta with dried tomatoes and mushrooms and steamed asparagus. For dessert there was an outstanding raspberry tart. Everything was home made and delicious. Quiet a change from the frozen dinners, local take out and the restaurant food I was used to. Needless to say, I am not a domestic sort of person. I have trouble boiling water.
Over coffee and brandy in his living room, Seth told me about his life. He had been married for thirteen years to woman he had known since childhood. Her name was Amelia Post and had two kids with her, a girl, Carla, who was nine and a boy, Casey, who had just turned six. The marriage was on the rocks. Seth had moved out of their house and had taken a small apartment in town. His wife had filed for divorce and it was not going to be a pleasant split. They were both from old, established families in Bennington. Their families were old friends. They all worshiped at the same church. And Bennington was a small town.
From childhood, it had always been expected Seth and Amelia would marry, almost like an arranged marriage between royal families. Seth had known he was gay, but, not wanting to upset his family, he went along with the whole charade. His wife had turned out to be a real New England princess, always demanding more, never satisfied with anything he did. They waited for several years to have children, Seth desperately hoped that his wife would change for the better if she had children to love. She, had in fact, become more demanding, leaving Seth to raise the children largely by himself. Except for the children, it had been a miserable thirteen years.
Seth told me about the first meeting his wife and the lawyers. It had quickly degenerated into a shouting match. He hated what the divorce was doing to his relationship with his kids, especially little Casey. He was also in agony over being gay and coming out. What would it do to his family, to his business, to his standing in the community? And I added another huge dimension to the picture. How would the people in his world react to his being gay and in a relationship with a man with no legs?
Seth confessed that he had always been fascinated by men who were amputees, until now something he had talked about with no one, not even Robert, his best friend. He spoke without hesitation but with what was obviously some trepidation, as though he didn't know how I would take his confession. I suddenly realized that he was scared.
I could have been knocked over by a puff of smoke. His confession took me completely by surprise. I had no idea that he was gay. He talked about his kids a lot and had even brought them out to the house to see it and to meet me. And the fact that he was interested in me was too much. I sat in stunned silence for a while contemplating the possibilities for the future.
"You mean you are interested in me, a guy with no legs, a cripple?" I said in a low voice when I finally recovered enough to speak. I had never thought that anyone would be interested in me. I was, after all in my mind, In spite of all of the counseling I still thought of myself as 'damaged goods', a cripple. This was something new to consider. Someone might actually like me partially BECAUSE I was an amputee. And the thought of having those strong arms around me, of kissing those wonderful lips and running my hands over that hard body was more than I could comprehend. "Why didn't you say something sooner, give me some sign that you were interested in me?"
"I did, several times but you didn't seem to respond so I decided to invite you to dinner and risk everything, hoping that maybe you were interested in me." Seth said in a quiet voice. "By the way I don't think of you as a cripple, just a guy with no legs." He paused and continued "And it is not as though I am a perfect specimen myself. My body has been lived in for almost 40 years and looks it. I never was the male model type." He grinned and those laugh lines around his eyes crinkled up.
He was hunched over, his elbows on his knees, his face only inches from mine. He had the most amazing expression on his face--fear, hope, anticipation, dread all mingled. "Well how about it? What do you say? Do you want to see if this relationship has any future?" There was a catch in his voice. He moved his hand to my right stump, softly caressing it, took a deep shuddering breath and waited. It was the first time he ever touched me other than to shake my hand. It was also the first time anyone ever touched my stumps in a sensual manner. I loved it.
I reached out my right arm, put it behind his neck and drew his face to mine and I kissed him. It was a long slow kiss and I realized that this was a man I could fall in love with very easily. Maybe I already had.
"Does that answer your question?" I said with a smile.
And, what was even more amazing, he was not my type. He was not blond, younger than me and, by no stretch of the imagination, was he the 'pretty boy' type that I always had seemed to gravitate toward in the past. Then it hit me, that maybe my life was no longer just about me. I was far more interested in Seth than in me. Love was now possible--real love, unconditional love. I reveled in the realization.
"Seth, for a long time I was a real jerk when it came to relationships. They all had to be about me--what I wanted and needed--what I wanted to do--what I felt--what I liked. No wonder they never lasted. My accident made me stop and think about my life. It was definitely not a pretty picture. Looking back on it, I am amazed how completely selfish I was. During therapy after my accident, I began to realize how much my life had been just about me and how that mind t left no room for real love. I was so much into myself, I could never reach out to anyone else."
I paused a moment and then continued, "I think I may have been in love with you from the first day we met. I never realized it until now and I never had a clue that you were interested in me." I confessed, completely amazed by this turn of events. "If you are game, I would love to explore the possibility of having a relationship with you. And no matter what happens with your divorce and children, I will be there. We can do this together."
Seth set quietly for a time, a soft smile on his face, "Thanks." He drew a deep breath and continued, "I know you will and I am going to need your help and support as this thing plays out."
Seth continued, "I have to confess that I had my doubts about you too. I couldn't figure you out. I do know sometimes you can be really dense. Robert and his lover Bart and I talked about you a lot. We wondered what you were all about. He and Bart were the ones who urged me to have you over for dinner. I probably would not have done it without their urging. I am really glad I did." Seth smiled and fell silent.
"You mean Robert is gay too!" I exclaimed, "and he has a lover. Guess I can be a little dense huh?"
"Just a little." Matt replied with a smile. "I was really afraid that you were not interested but I had to know one way or the other so... I just asked. What was the worst that could happen? You could say no. Well that and maybe you would fire me." Seth said with a smile.
"Fire you never, marry you maybe." I said. I was nearly bursting with excitement. "If we become lovers, will you give me a discount on the renovations?" I began to laugh and Seth threw a pillow at me. I ducked and it knocked over a lamp. We both laughed until we cried. And he kissed me again and for the first time in my life I found out the difference between having sex and making love. There is no comparison.
Chapter VI--The Restoration
As soon as the plans were drawn up and filed and a permit issued by the county, Seth and his crew began the work. We decided to work on the main house first and leave the garage, pool and pool house for next summer. The crew tore into the place with a vengeance, ripping out the kitchen, the single bath and most of the woodwork which was being sent to Seth's shop to be refinished. He also built the shaft for the elevator, using the china closet in the dining room to enclose it.
As the house was redesigned, the two east bedrooms were to be combined into one large bath/bed suite. Since a big chunk of the bedroom over the dining room was to be taken for the elevator shaft, we decided to remodel that bedroom into a large bath and dressing room (with a working fireplace, no less), and combine it with the adjacent bedroom to form a really luxurious suite. I kept thinking about entertaining Seth in that suite. It was a wonderful thought.
We installed closets and a shared bath between the other two bedrooms across the hall and another under the hall stair, all of which could accommodate my chair. The attic was finished off with two more bed- rooms, a play room and another bath -- for the kids, Seth and I hoped. The basement was remodeled into a gym with a sauna and another bath was added. The kitchen wing was gutted and rebuilt into a gourmet kitchen/ family room. We demolished the ceilings to open up the space to the roof rafters and removed the rear wall and replaced it with glass to take in the view of the Green mountains. It was an amazing transformation.
I had a gourmet kitchen and I couldn't cook to save my life. But I installed a top of the line kitchen for a reason. Seth said he would teach me how to cook, but my secret dream was that he would move in with me and he could do the cooking. We talked about it but we made no commitments. I was afraid to push the issue. I still had trouble comprehending that he was in love with me. And of course there was the problem of the divorce.
It had not been going well, Amelia demanded all of Seth's assets and big monthly alimony payments. She also wanted exclusive custody of the children. Since the separation, they had been living with Amelia only because Seth had no room for them to stay with him in his small apartment. Seth had been seeing them every day for a few hours. He was the one who took them to soccer practice, to band practice, to dental appointments. He made sure they did their homework, met with their teachers, went to PTA meetings, but then he always had.
He also made very sure that his kids knew he loved them and that the divorce was not their fault. Both Casey and Carla wanted to live with Seth and it broke his heart that, for the time being, it was not possible. Seth just couldn't afford a larger place to live and child support and house payments and all of the other expenses of raising a family. Amelia didn't work and still expected him to pay for everything including some outrageous charge card bills.
Seth and I couldn't spend too much time together. It was too dangerous at this stage in the divorce proceedings. If the lawyers for Amelia got wind that Seth was seeing a man, it would become much more difficult for him to gain even partial custody of the children. And this he would not allow to happen. We had to content ourselves with occasional quick dinners and a few moments together during the course of the day at my house. Sometimes Seth was so stressed out by the divorce and by the worry of his wife finding out that he was gay, that he broke down and cried. It happened more than once. During those moments all I could do was hold him tight and reassure him things would be all right and that I would always be there for him.
However during all of the turmoil in Seth's private life, he did not let his attention flag from the business at hand, bringing the remodeling of my house in on time and on budget. We did a lot of stuff during the remodeling to make the house livable, stuff that was not really visible. We installed all new wiring, phone lines, cable TV lines, computer lines, new plumbing (including a new septic tank and a new well). A new electric line had to be strung from the road, something I never even considered and something that cost a lot of money. The plaster was repaired and restored, and in the double parlor, the center medallions had to be carefully reattached to the lath. They were about to fall, just another unexpected expense when dealing with an old house.
We had to repoint (replace the mortar between the stones) the exterior walls, repair the slate roof (there were a few leaks), repair and paint the windows, trim, porch and the columns. And on and on. But somehow, in spite of the distraction of the divorce, Seth brought the job in only a month over schedule and only $12,000.00 over budget. I got away lucky. And of course, Seth confessed that he didn't charge me for a lot of small changes and additional work. See being in love with your contractor does pay. We still had the pool, pool house and the garage to build and the yard to landscape, but the house was basically ready.
Chapter VII--The Divorce
In November, disaster struck. Amelia found out that Seth was gay and that he was in a relationship with me. Seth was seen leaving my apartment very early one morning by the secretary of one of her lawyers. It was one of the very few times that Seth spent the night with me. Just our luck. Armed with that information, Amelia had Seth tailed and some indiscrete photographs were taken of us together. Seth and his lawyers were unaware of this bombshell until it was revealed in court.
When Seth walked into the court room for the custody hearing, he sensed something was badly wrong. Amelia had this smug look on her face and, Ralph Linden, her portly, expensively dressed lawyer came up to him and said something about the judge being not very supportive of "alternative life styles."
Worried that something was up, Seth went into a hurried conference with his lawyer. "Do you think they know about Matt and me? Ralph made a crack about this judge not liking alternate lifestyles."
"Oh Jesus, they must." Seth's lawyer, Tony Campelli, replied. "We have to be ready for anything."
Initially the hearing went very well for Seth. Tony had Carla and Casey's teachers testify about how well Seth cared for the kids. How he, and only he, spent time with them, picking them up, serving on school committees, the school board, attending PTA meetings and so on. It was brought out that Amelia was seldom seen at school. In fact she was rarely seen with the kids at all.
There were a few other people who testified on behalf of Seth and his love for the kids, including Robert. Seth relaxed a bit.
And then it was Seth's turn to testify.
Amelia's lawyer went through the standard opening questions and even made a little joke that lightened the atmosphere in the room. The bomb fell at the close of testimony.
"So Mr. Williams, what would you say if I told you that I have information and irrefutable evidence that you are an unfit parent? That you are in a sexual relationship with another man, one of your clients? And that client and homosexual lover is a convicted drug felon? That you are in fact a faggot, a fornicator, that you are sinning against God and against the good woman whom you married and with whom you had two lovely children!! What do you say to that?" Ralph Linden fairly shouted at Seth, his voice exultant.
Continuing in a calm voice, Ralph turned to the judge and said, "Your honor I would like to submit these photographs taken of Seth Williams and Matthew Cross, the convicted felon, in shall we say, a compromised situation, for the record." And he continued "I would also like to present the arrest and conviction record from the State of New York of this man's lover, Matthew Cross." pointing his finger at Seth.
Seth was devastated. He did not know about the photographs or about my conviction, a youthful indiscretion when I was seventeen. I got off with a fine and two years probation. That record was supposed to be sealed. I have no idea how they found out about that incident.
Seth's lawyer asked to examine this new evidence but there was no objection he could offer. It had to be admitted.
"Matt, how could you? How could you? I thought that you loved me. How could you not tell me you were arrested and convicted on a drug charge. This has probably ruined my chance to ever see my kids again!"
Seth was alternately shouting and crying over the telephone. The judge had ordered a recess for lunch and Seth had frantically called me. I had never heard Seth so upset. He was on the verge of total hysteria.
"My God Seth, that happened twelve years ago and the record was supposed to be sealed by the court. It was my only arrest and conviction. How was I supposed to know those bastards would use it against you. I am so sorry, I didn't tell you. I didn't think it was important. Please, please know that is the truth. I love you Seth, more that I have loved anyone in my life!" I pleaded with Seth on the phone.
"Well you have a fucked up way of showing it. I really thought we had something here and now you go and do this to me. I don't know if I can continue with this relationship. I don't want to see you for a while. Get out of my Goddamn life!" Seth shouted and slammed down the phone.
I must have set there for ten minutes in shock, holding the phone and crying. I thought I had lost the love of my life.
As soon as I hung up the phone, it rang again. "Matt this is Robert. I was in court with Seth this morning. I am really, really pissed about what happened in there. Amelia's lawyers are scumbags, but they are real good, unfortunately. I will talk to Seth. He always listens to me. We have been friends for thirty years, ever since grade school. I know he loves you and in the end, after the shock wears off, he will come back to you."
"Thanks Robert. You are a great friend to both of us. Should I come down to the court?"
"Can't hurt, come on down."
Then something extraordinary happened. One of the painters who was finishing up some touch ups, overheard the two conversations.
"Not going too well huh?, He said "Who in the judge in the case?
"His name is Woolpern, Harold Woolpern I think. Why? I asked.
"That's what I thought," and he grinned. "My wife is Judge Woolpern's house keeper. The good Judge and Seth's wife, Amelia Post Williams, have been having an affair for the past six years and, now get this, they are first cousins. My wife dislikes both of them, but especially Amelia. She is a real bitch. I know my wife will testify if you ask her. Should put a different spin on things. His grin was much wider.
"Thanks, I could kiss you!" I shouted as I made a dash for my car. This was a huge break for us and Seth and his lawyers needed to be told as soon as possible.
I hopped into my four wheeler and raced into town. Maybe there was a God after all.
We had a hurried conference in a coffee shop across from the court house. Initially Seth didn't want to see me. He moved to a different table and set moodily stirring his coffee. I hurriedly explained what I had learned to Robert and Tony, Seth's lawyer and a plan was quickly put into motion.
Robert went over to Seth and they spent several minutes in earnest conversation occasionally glancing over to the table where I was sitting. At one point in the conversation, Seth said in a loud voice "Well fuck him!" and he looked my way. Robert grabbed his hands, forcefully told Seth to look at him and the conversation continued. I was on pins and needles. I was very certain Seth and Robert were discussing my future.
Robert and Seth came over to the table. Seth slid into the booth across from me and Robert slid in beside me. Seth looked a little sheepish.
"Well Seth, what do you have to say to Matt? Robert said in his most school teacher voice.
"God Matt, I am so sorry I blew up at you. It wasn't you. It was Amelia and her lawyer. Please forgive me." Seth took both of my hands in his. "I love you so much." He was close to tears.
"And I am sorry I never told you about my arrest and conviction. Can you forgive me?"
"Well I will ponder on it." Seth replied with a smile and he bent over a gave me a swift kiss. I had my lover back.
Chapter VIII -- The Triumph
When Robert, Seth, Tony and I walked into that courtroom with Linda Cocker, the Judge's housekeeper, the Judge and Amelia exchanged worried glances. Amelia whispered something in Ralph's ear. He looked at her with an exasperated expression on his face, threw up is hands and then banged his fist on the table. Amelia looked extremely upset.
"Your honor, may we approach the bench?" Tony asked the Judge.
"Approach, you too counselor." indicating Ralph.
"Your honor, I respectfully request that you withdraw from this proceeding since you are in a long term sexual relationship with a principal in this case. And I have a witness who will testify to that fact. If you do not withdraw, I will take it up with the attorney general's office and ask that you be barred from the bench and from practicing law."
"In my chambers, both of you." the judge replied.
The judge and the lawyers were in his chambers for about twenty minutes. When they came out, Ralph had a furious expression on his face; Tony was grinning from ear to ear; the face of the judge was impassive.
The judge cleared his throat and said in a voice clearly under strain, "Due to a personal conflict of interest that has been brought to my attention by the counsel for Seth Williams, I must withdraw from this case. It has been assigned to another judge who will take over effective immediately. Court dismissed." The judge rose from his seat and stalked from the room.
Seth let out a whoop and we did high fives all around.
Amelia fled, a grim expression on her face. She gave me a withering glance of pure hate as she rushed out of the courtroom. If looks could kill, well I would be very, very dead.
The judge assigned to the case was a liberal, an old friend of both Seth and of Robert and he had a gay son of whom he was very proud. Judge Wentworth observed conventions of examination and cross examination and issued his ruling.
Amelia, considering her infidelity and her personal wealth (her family was much richer than Seth's) got only the house and no alimony. Seth got his business and the kids.
Chapter IX--The Party
We decided to have a party to celebrate both the completion of the house and Seth's victory in court. It was to be a memorable gathering.
"Hi guys, come on in. The bar is in the library and the food is in the dining room. You can hang your coats in the hall closet across from the stair." I said to Robert and Bart, the first guests to arrive.
It was late Fall. The spectacular turning of the leaves had come and gone. Now I looked out over the bare, black branches of the trees and the mist shrouded Green Mountains beyond. The color green, except for the firs and pines, was gone form the landscape for the next six months. The weather was much colder and last night the first light snow of the season had fallen. It looked as if God had dusted the ground and trees with powdered sugar. The air was clear and cold, it was a beautiful evening for a party.
The house was spectacular, even if I do say so myself. There were fires in all of the fireplaces and candles everywhere. There were bowls of fresh evergreens and big bunches autumn flowers in crystal vases. Everything sparkled. Seth and his crew had worked almost around the clock to get the place ready for the party. There was still a few thing to do, pictures to hang, locks to put on doors, paint to touch up, but most of the work was done.
I had decided furnish the place rather sparsely and had chosen mostly neutral , earth tones for the walls and upholstery, except for the library. It was hunter green with gold, green and white drapery. I liked that room the best-- leather Chesterfield sofa and arm chairs, an antique partners desk, dark paneled walls and shelves filled with books in leather bindings, pictures in gilded frames, polished brass--very traditional. I felt like I was in an advertisement for Ralph Lauren.
Soon the house began to fill with family and friends and their kids. This was now definitely a kid friendly house and we both wanted Casey and Carla's friends to feel welcome too. Some of the guests were Seth's friends who had become mine and others were people I had met and become friendly with. Since Seth was from an old and honored family of the town, all of the town's elite were invited and a surprising number showed up. My family was there and of course, Mom second guessed me about the interior design of the house. When were we going to get some furniture and what about some color. She wasn't into monochromatic color schemes.
Everyone who had worked on the house was invited--the broker who sold me the house and the president of the historical association with whom I had some disagreements about the renovation, but with whom I had become great friends. Even our butcher came, a person whom before my accident I would never even disdain to talk to except to place an order. I found out he was a classically trained singer who had retired when the rigors of the life of a musician got to be too much so instead he became the best butcher in Southern Vermont. I persuaded him to sing for the guests.
The party was a great success. Everyone loved the house, the food and the entertainment and they were charmed by how close I had become to Carla and Casey. Casey calls me Daddy Two. Mark, the butcher cum opera singer, was a smash. He sang both opera classics and contemporary show tunes in his strong baritone and had to do several encores.
But the highlight of the party came when Seth and I gathered everyone in the double parlor and made an announcement--we declared our love for each other and said we were going to have a commitment ceremony in that very room in the spring.
The announcement took the room by surprise. We had not publicized our romance or even our living together. Staid old Bennington was shocked. The City's best contractor and a scion of one of the oldest families in town and the newest old house owner were --GAY-- and they were getting married ---publicly. Oh the scandal of it! Right here in Bennington of all places! Most people in the room clapped and offered their congratulations, but some retreated to the corners of the room to discuss this most shocking development in disapproving whispers.
That announcement was a long time coming. Both Seth and I spent months avoiding the topic of our future as a couple. We just danced around the issue, Seth never really committing and me afraid to force the issue. We both knew we loved each other but then Seth actually committing, well that was another story entirely.
In desperation, I had a long talk with Robert over a lunch at a restaurant in town. Robert told me that Seth had been desperately hurt at the failure of his marriage and was afraid to commit because of his standing in the community and his worry over what coming out might mean to his kids, his family and his business.
I thought about that conversation for a long time and decided to act.
A few days after the divorce was finalized, I decided to get matching rings and proposed one day over dinner. It worked. Seth said yes.
Of course it was the divorce that had completely changed the dynamic of the situation. It truly freed Seth so that he was comfortable actually moving in with me and establishing a committed, loving relationship with a man. So Seth, Carla and Casey came to live with me and share my house and my love. As it turned out, finishing the attic rooms for the kids proved to be a wise move.
Mom and Dad and Sis were delighted of course. Dad said he would be there to 'give me away,' whatever that means in a gay marriage. I had been out to my family since I was sixteen and they had long gotten over the shock of their son and brother doing things not exactly mainstream.
Carla and Casey were cool with the idea of having two dads. We had spent a lot of time talking to them about our relationship and about our love for them.
About twelve the party began to break up. After most of the guests had left, my family, Bart and Robert, Seth and I gathered in the library for a night cap. Carla and Casey had been put to bed. The caterers had just finishing up cleaning and putting things away. Seth paid them and sent them on their way. The music had been turned off, the candles blown out and the fires allowed to go out. I was exhausted but excited at the same time.
Seth and I sat on the sofa holding hands. We all talked about the party for a while. We definitely had shaken up the Bennington establishment. Seth wondered aloud what the local paper would say and if this would impact his business but said he wasn't worried--he could become my 'boy toy' and I could support him if his business failed. We all had a good laugh at that and then Mom, Dad, Debbie and Dan, who were staying with me, said good night and went off to bed. Bart and Robert said their good-byes and left too and then it was just Seth and me.
We made love, slowly and languidly in the library on a rug by the light of the fire. We had discovered how sensuous my leg stumps are and that added immeasurably to our love making. It was a wonderful end to an unforgettable night.
Chapter X--Always and Forever
The snows of winter had come and gone. Seth and I had spent many a winter night in the house curled up with a good book by the fire, playing board games with the kids or watching movies in our bedroom as the winter wind howled outside and the snow flew. Our life together had been good. I found out about school work, booboos, Barney and Barbie. We did a little traveling and we really got to know each other and I got to really know Carla and Casey. I learned to sit ski and we had several family outings to local ski areas. Our love just continued to grow during the winter and I found that loved those kids like they were my own. I guess they are. That winter we became a family.
And now it is spring. The snow had all melted and he trees were just beginning to be misted with light spring green. The grass was green and the dogwood, apple and cherry trees were blooming, filling the air with their perfume. The breeze was warm and brought with it the promise of the warm summer days to come. It was a magic time.
The ceremony was held on April 25 at three in the afternoon, a Saturday and again the house sparkled. This time it was filled with dogwood and cherry blossoms and dozens of white roses. I wore my cosmetic prosthetic legs and went through the ceremony without my crutch. Seth and I wore matching white, cut away tuxes and carried matching bibles. Carla was the flower girl and Casey carried the matching rings. They were both adorable. Reverend Wyhcoff, of the Unitarian Church in town, performed the service and Mark (you know the butcher cum opera singer) sang the songs we had selected for the ceremony. It was a beautiful ceremony, short but full of grace and love. The entire room got to see Seth and I kiss. Both Seth's and my Mom cried. We didn't have a bridal bouquet so no one got to catch it.
Most of the town's elite were there, some were not too happy about the sight of two men actually having a 'marriage' ceremony, and then kissing. Of course, some simply did not show up including, not at all surprisingly, Seth's former in-laws. Amelia had married Judge Woolpern. We were not invited to their wedding either. Neither were the kids. Amelia has just closed the door on that part of her life. She wasn't even in Bennington anymore. Judge Woolpern had been nominated to the federal bench and they had moved to Boston.
We had a buffet brunch after the ceremony with lots of champagne. To everyone's surprise my dad got up and made a toast. My Dad almost never speaks in public if he can help it.
There was a banging of a spoon on a glass and everyone turned to my Dad who stood up on non too steady legs (he had more than several glasses of champagne). "May I have everyone's attention please."
The place became quiet. "I would like to propose a toast to the happy couple." He paused, gathered his thoughts and continued. "Three years ago my son was involved in an accident that changed his life. The physical consequences of that accident were terrible but, in many respects the changes in his character were for the better. He gave up a rather aimless life dedicated to self gratification and began to find the God that dwells within the soul of each of us. And the agent for that discovery was partially his family but, even more, it was another man whom my son began to love."
Again he paused. "Of course I would have rather my son love a woman and give me some more grandkids I can spoil but since he came with two ready made grandkids, I forgive him." There was a ripple of laughter. "But I gave up judging whom another man loves as long as that love is real and given and returned in full measure. And the love between Seth and Matt is real, as real as the love between two people can be. I celebrate that love with my whole heart and soul. Here's to you kids. Dad abruptly sat down and took a napkin and wiped away tears. It was the first time I ever saw him cry and I loved him for it.
Seth and I both were choked up. When we recovered enough to speak, Seth stood up and raised his glass to the crowd. "Thanks Pop, I do get to call you Pop now don't I?" Dad grinned and nodded but didn't say anything. Seth continued "I spent thirteen years with a woman I didn't understand and in the end with a woman with whom I fell out of love Ultimately I had to recognize the futility of that relationship and be true to my heart. I don't regret those years. After all they brought two of the greatest kids in the world into our lives, but now I have found the true love of my life. Seth looked down at me sitting beside him, helped me to my feet and took both my hands in his. After I had adjusted my pros so I could stand Seth continued, "I love you Matt Cross and I want to say before God and this gathering that I will love you always and forever." He kissed me again.
I smiled at him looking into his handsome face through the blur of my tears. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. I just kissed him again.