Kevin stepped out of the shower and turned in front of the bathroom mirror, looking intently at his reflection. He was not quite 6 feet tall, had short brown hair cropped to a fashionable look, and was reasonably muscular. He flexed his arms a bit to make the biceps stand out and sighed. He let his glance slip down. The circumcision scar was now almost invisible, six months after he had finally had that problem sorted out. He'd had such high hopes that getting the tight foreskin removed would help him finally feel OK about himself. He sighed again, flexed his right leg and pulled it up behind his back so that it looked in the mirror like the right leg was missing from the knee down. That was what he really wanted to look like.

"Yes, Mom, I'm on my way", he called back. He quickly slipped on his clothes and rushed down to the breakfast nook, where his mother was waiting for him with a stern look on her face.

"Mom, you know I have a turbo charged car now… I'll be at school in next to no time." He put on his nicest smile.

"Oh yes, in a twenty-five mile an hour zone…turbo yes, but don't forget your granddad's car is also a diesel."

Kevin laughed. His Mom was OK. Who else had a mother who even had any idea what a turbo does on a car?

He quickly headed outside. Walking across to the drive, his earlier mood caught up with him again, and he felt the rush of regret at being so confused over his self-identity. Would he forever be miserable?

He felt he couldn't resist the urge to have a little more "action" before going to school. He glanced all around, opened the door of his car, took off his right sneaker, and flung it into the passenger foot well. Then, getting into the car, he carefully folded up his right leg and sat on it. He turned the key, and the Passant turbo diesel his grandfather had given him recently rattled to life. He hooked his home-made metal attachment to the clutch pedal, so he could now drive using only his left foot on accelerator and brake. He knew it was a little risky, but it felt so good.

At the school, he unfolded his right leg, put on the sneaker, and walked into school flush with the pleasant feeling of the obsession satisfied.

Two weeks later, in the middle of the final exams, things began to really get on top of Kevin. He had known the roller coaster of emotions before - pretending or fantasizing to feel good, only to really crash a little later. After dinner, he headed out into the evening in his running outfit. This had become a chance for him to pretend - he would jog to a nearby wood, fold up his right leg into the running shorts, and then hop along a secluded bit of track. The experience of moving along on one leg, of feeling the right "stump" swinging, made him feel good, at least for a few minutes. But tonight, he just felt himself losing control. Instead of jogging to his usual hideout, he continued on toward the railway track. He was going to do something about the leg tonight!

He stood by the railway track. It was a busy commuter line, with trains heading in and out of central London every fifteen minutes. With desperation gripping him, he pulled some twigs from the undergrowth to cover himself, and laid down next the track. He then put his right leg out onto the track and waited.

He could feel the track begin to vibrate with the approach of the train. With the train not much more than a hundred yards off, he felt like he suddenly awoke from a dream. He pulled himself over a little bit, pulling his leg away from the track, as the train thundered by. It was doing maybe fifty miles an hour, and Kevin was still so close to it that a gust of wind pushed twigs into his face.

He stayed on the ground after the train had passed, weeping helplessly. What had he almost done? He might well have been dead by now. Then Kevin started thinking about more practical things - like, how would he explain his state to his parents? He could feel blood coming from a scratch on his face. Maybe he could tell his parents he had tripped while jogging.

Kevin managed to sneak into the house and get into the shower without bumping into anyone. As he stood in the shower, his mind was racing. What way out was there for him? He would surely end up in situations like this again. He had tried so many things - counseling for depression, dating a girl to see whether that would make him feel OK about himself, crying to God to take him out of this situation. There was only one option that he could see. At a time of being in a clear mind, he had to plan a safe way to lose the leg, and then just do it - and soon. Had he not recently come into contact with several successful ex-w2be's, who were now doing so much better? He vowed to himself that he would arrive at university in the autumn wearing a fine artificial leg. Just having made this plan made him feel better. He stepped out of the shower and got dressed. Then, he headed down to his parents to explain about the long scratch running down his left cheek.

It was now three days after the last A-level exam. Kevin's mom was out taking his brother to a sports event. Kevin had told his mom he would go into town to pick up some summer clothes.

Kevin loaded his carefully prepared kit into the car. He headed down a country road and pulled into a rest area. It had been surprisingly easy to get an anaesthetic - a tattoo place had sold it to him with no questions asked. He carefully injected himself once on the left side of his right thigh, once on the right side. Then, he got out of the car, put what was left of the syringes into an empty soft drink can, and tossed the can.

Kevin then drove on to another parking area. He had checked this place a couple of days before - it was always empty. The car park pavement was in bad shape, which was what he needed. He slit the front right tire of the car, stowed the knife, and drove back and forth for a couple of minutes until the tire was flat. The key tool for his plan was a V-shaped piece of steel that he put under his car jack to prevent the jack from sinking into the ground. Then, he jacked up the front of the car, rolled away the large alloy-mounted tire, and brought out the doughnut spare and toolbox. Finally, he took the oil filter remover from the toolkit and wrapped it round his right leg, about six inches above the knee, pulling it tight. He made one last check - the knee was numb from the anaesthetic; the oil filter strap tight, and the mobile phone was ready - just one button to press. Then, with a big sigh, he lay half under the car, in a position as if he had been about to lift the spare wheel into place. With one hand, he reached for a set of pliers, gripped the end of the steel support under the jack, and twisted it.

There was a crunching noise as the foot of the jack disappeared into a crack in the ground, followed by a thud as the Volkswagen's ventilated front disk brake cut into Kevin's knee. Kevin did not feel any pain as he felt himself pinned into place. But, as the blood started to discolor the shredded remains of his pants, it was only a couple of seconds before things started swimming before his eyes. I should have risked calling the ambulance first, he thought, and passed out.

There was something warm, wet and rough touching Kevin's face. He was slowly regaining conscience. Where was he? Was he still alive?

He heard a voice in the distance a couple of times. He could not move. The warm wet thing stopped touching him, and there was a noise, and then again. He heard footsteps. "What is it? Why won't you come back?" The footsteps got closer. "Oh my God…"

Kevin finally managed to open one of his eyes. He could make out his silver car on top of him. There was a man walking toward him, followed by a dog. The dog, now wagging its tail, came over to Kevin and licked his face again.

"Back! Can you move?" Kevin shook his head. He took all his remaining strength, lifted his right hand to his jacket pocket, and pulled out the phone far enough for the man to see it.

The man's face lit up. "Oh good, give that to me, and we'll have you in safety in no time". He pressed the emergency button and started talking to the emergency response officer, while Kevin passed out again.

The following Saturday, not quite a week later, Roger, the man who had discovered Kevin, headed into the hospital to find out how the boy was doing. He had waited for the ambulance and recovery vehicle to come and heard that Kevin was OK, but he wanted to see for himself.

"So, how is Kevin faring? How is his family taking it?" Roger asked the physician.

"Well, you already heard that there was no way to save his leg - the circulation had simply been cut off too long, all we could do was to amputate a few inches above the knee. Otherwise, Kevin is fine - he didn't lose too much blood as he had the brilliant idea to grab the oil filter remover and cut off the circulation. Otherwise, he might have bled to death."

"His mother took it badly initially, but now recognizes that it could have been much worse. His dad is obviously trying to be supportive. He rushed out right away to get the materials to upgrade the family bathroom for accessibility. But he seems unable to show any emotions, to just be close to his son. And then there is also Kevin's kid brother. He is nice - very easy going. He'll be a good support for Kevin."

"Kevin seems to be remarkably relaxed about what has happened. He had a lot of questions about how soon he would get a limb fitted, and so on. His main concern seemed to be getting ready for university this fall, not the missing leg. But I need to warn you - I don't know how he will react when he sees you. I have had patients hurl insults at the people who have saved their lives. Rest in the fact that you did a wonderful thing, whether Kevin recognizes it now or takes a while to see it that way."

Kevin sat in the easy chair by the window of the hospital room. He was wearing a beige designer label sweatshirt, jogging pants with a rolled up right leg, and had a fashionable sneaker on his left foot. When Roger walked in, he rose to his left leg.

"My, you are dressed as if you are just about to head to the fitness centre," Roger said, hoping to start with some light conversation.

"Well, I knew you were visiting today. There is nothing I can do to really express how grateful I am for what you did. I thought I would at least make sure you see I am doing well."

"Yes, it looks like I will be in university this autumn as planned. It was such a lot of work to get the place, and now I have the A-level results I need to get in. I am glad that it'll still work out."

"Well, my mother was totally freaked out over the car. I mean, it wasn't the car's evil intention to fall on me, and there was nothing wrong with it. She just couldn't face having it sitting in the drive and seeing it ever again, so I agreed to trade it. So James, my brother - he's fourteen - went round all the car dealers on his bicycle until he found a super deal for me - the Volkswagen as down payment on this low cost two year lease. I'll have a brand new Smart Diesel - you know, one of these eight-foot long two-seaters. It almost runs on fresh air, and has a clutch-less gear change as standard. So everyone is happy now."

"Well yes. My parents of course wish I hadn't tried to change the tire. Fortunately, I managed to persuade them to go on a week's vacation now as planned." Kevin looked out at the parking lot for a couple of seconds, and then turned to Roger. "Did you bring your dog?"

"Not inside of course. Even a dog that can bring people back from unconsciousness with the lick of his tongue is not allowed inside. I parked my car in the shade as he is waiting out there."

Kevin assured him that as long as they would take the elevator to get down, he would be fine. Roger was astonished that Kevin seemed to move along on crutches as if that was all he had ever known. Obviously he had gotten used to the crutches very quickly.

There were several steps at the side exit to the parking lot, and Roger nervously turned round to Kevin. Kevin had already taken the right crutch over to the left side and negotiated the stairs on one crutch, using the handrail. "No problem." He smiled.

They arrived at the car, and Kevin sat down on the fence rail next to it. Then, Roger let his huge German Shepard, shaggy, dark-haired and wolf-like, get out. "Kevin, this is Lupus", Roger introduced. "Lupus is Latin for wolf, and when you look at him, you can tell where the name came from."

Lupus started to sniff Kevin's right leg right where the pant leg was tucked in. He kept his ears were all the back, looking sad.

"Yes, Lupus, the leg is gone. But don't worry, on Monday, they will send me to a place where I will get a new leg, and I will be just fine." Lupus relaxed, his ears upright again.

Turning to Roger, Kevin said: "That's what I like about dogs - they are so sensitive to human emotions, it can seem like they understand every word you say."

"Yes, this hospital has no rehab facilities, so they want to move me to a place that can do a temporary leg as quickly as possible. Monday, I am headed for Kessler Rehab in Guildford."

Roger said: "There is something I wanted to ask, something you might be able to help me with."

Roger's gaze went into the distance. "I saw you had the newspaper clipping on your night stand about you accident. Well, right after that appeared, a second cousin of mine contacted me. His son had a bad skiing accident in Switzerland. The doctors tried for months to fix his broken leg. Then, an infection developed, and the doctors had to take it off. Now the boy is at Kessler, the same place you are heading. But he refuses to cooperate with the rehab. He just lies in his bed in total apathy. Now when I heard you are in fact going to be in the same place, I thought maybe you could encourage my cousin's son to make a move."

Roger winced. "I hope you are not going to say that Christians should always be cheerful and thankful."

Kevin shook his head. "No no. I am just looking for points of contact, for something we have in common."

Roger said. "Yes, he is a Christian. Was…? I think his crisis is one of faith as well as life."

Kevin said: "I think there are tasks that God has prepared for us to do. You have discovered one that was prepared for you last week, taking your dog for a walk. If his tongue wasn't so rough, I think I would have taken Lupus to be an angel, that's how lucky I was. Now I will maybe discover that God is opening a door for me at Kessler."

Roger smiled at the idea of Lupus being a rough-tongued angel. They chatted for a few more minutes, Roger handed Kevin a card with the name of his cousin's son, and then headed off.

By Tuesday, Kevin was pretty much familiar with the rehab institute. He had made the rounds of the various departments - he was on his temporary limb part time, and getting exercises to relearn balance and the use of the new leg. A bit more than a week after his "accident," he was making good progress.

He also had a chance to see who else was around. There were only two other young amputees that he had met. Most of the patients were either older or being treated for other conditions. He had not met Chad, the son of Roger's cousin. After his exercise program on Tuesday, he went down to the front desk to ask about him.

"Oh yes, Chad…" said the nurse. "he has lost a leg like you. But he just refuses to leave his room. Very sad. I guess he just couldn't deal with it when they had to take off the leg. Do you want to go and see him? I wouldn't say that he would be happy to see you, but by all means see how he is doing. He is in room 403."

Chad's room was not gloomy, as Kevin had somehow imagined it might be. He walked into a place filled with afternoon sun, and there were fresh flowers on the table. A young man was sitting in the easy chair by the window, with his back to the door.

"Yes, that's me - who is it?" Chad half turned round in his chair to look. He was dark haired and slim, and wore a heavy white dressing gown. He seemed a bit startled to see Kevin, reached for the bell button as if afraid, and then let go of it again when he saw that Kevin was on crutches.

"I haven't had any other patients barge in on me so far." Chad sounded very much like he preferred to be left alone.

Kevin ignored how negative the reply had been and said: "Can I sit down somewhere? You know how tiring it is to not be able to take the weight off the leg." Chad could hardly refuse him that, and waived his hand at a chair. "OK."

Kevin walked over to the chair, parked his crutches and sat down opposite to Chad. Chad's left leg was missing, but enough of a stump was left to show under the dressing gown.

Kevin quickly explained that he had heard that Chad was here from his father's cousin, and that he just wanted to stop by and say hello. He skipped what he already knew of Chad's condition.

Chad looked out the window past Kevin. "Did they tell you that I have not started my rehab, even though I've been here three weeks?"

"You have been going ahead with your rehab as fast as possible, so you must think I am crazy to just sit here." Chad sounded angry.

"If you tell me how you feel, I can try to understand, even though I'm working through the loss of my leg differently."

Chad looked at him. "They all say they can understand. My dad, my mom, the doctors. I know they think: Why does our son have to make life miserable for us by refusing to get better?"

Kevin asked: "Do you want to get better? Even Jesus asked that of a lame guy before healing him."

Chad slumped in his chair. "There is no way to 'get better.' I don't want people staring at me, seeing the missing leg and thinking: 'oh here is that dreadful cripple boy.' The doctor has told me: 'we'll fit you with a limb, and people will hardly notice the slight limp.' Well he doesn't understand - what if I want to go to the swimming pool? To the beach? What if I want to make out with a girl? I just don't want to live like this…"

Kevin calmly listened to his outburst, and, without making any attempt to answer back, just said: "Do you think it was your fault that you lost the leg?"

Chad stared at him for several seconds, and then whispered: "Please don't talk to me like that. I shouldn't have taken that detour, I should have paid more attention, and the leg should have healed…" He looked down at the spot on the gown where his left leg should have been.

Kevin said very quietly: "You see, I think there is room for getting better, and it has to do with self-forgiveness not legs." He knew well what it meant to struggle with crushing guilt, trying to accept that he was a wannabe.

When he sensed it was OK to leave these heavy discussions behind for the moment, Kevin asked: "How would you like a bit more company? There are two other guys our age here at Kessler who are here for limb fitting. Can we all three of us stop by tomorrow?"

Chad agreed, and Kevin got up to leave, reaching for his crutches. Chad also got up, balancing uneasily on his right leg. "See you tomorrow."

Wednesday afternoon, Kevin directed his two new friends toward Chad's room. Kevin opened the door and called, "Hi Chad, it's us", and they entered the room. Chad was in the same chair as the previous day, wearing his dressing gown, but this time a pair of underarm crutches were next to his chair. He rose to greet his visitors.

Following Kevin was Andy, a tall, athletic guy, about twenty, with spiky blond hair.

"Hi, I am Andy", he introduced himself. "I am at Kessler getting a new right leg following a motorcycle accident."

Last to come in was Usman, of Pakistani background, who was in a wheelchair. His tank top revealed chiseled muscles. His right leg was missing above the knee, while a below knee stump was visible beneath the trainers on the left. He had already been at Kessler a bit longer and was already part time on a new left foot, but was just getting started using a limb on the right.

Chad looked uncomfortable. "Pleased to meet you guys. I am Chad, at Kessler following an unsuccessful attempt to set a bone I broke in a skiing accident. And no, I am not having a limb fitted."

Andy said to Chad: "You don't need to be embarrassed at not having started the rehab. For a week after getting here, I also just sat in my room. The thought of facing people outside on one leg was just too much."

"I was thinking about all the things I had hoped to do in life - finish my university degree, get married, have a family. And suddenly I realized: I can still do all of them, if I can just somehow break through this wall of fear of facing the world as an amputee. So I set a date to join the Kessler group heading for the Leisure Centre gym the next day. I thought: I will go right for the most difficult situation, and grit my teeth, and be done with it. So I lay awake most of the night, but I did it - went to the gym on crutches, to the pool, to the shower, where people could stare right at the stump, with nowhere to hide. People who don't know you are indifferent - you park your crutches at the entrance to the shower, anyone in there will give you a quick glance to see whether it is someone he knows, and then turn back. People who know you are OK anyway."

Chad said: "Good…. for you. I just can't do it." He looked out the window, biting his lips.

Now Usman said to Chad, "How about you forget all this life goals philosophizing for a moment and just think practical stuff. Look around. There's only the four of us here at Kessler who are young and still fairly mobile. Between the four of us, we have three legs, two left, one right - yours."

Usman continued, "Andy has already tried to talk Kessler into lending us a van, but they say they don't have a left accelerator conversion. Maybe they would let you drive, and we could all of us get out of here for an evening. Go see a movie. Do it for us."

Chad answered, "Well, getting a vehicle would be easy. My dad has left a car for me in the parking lot, and has made sure I am legal driving it. It's a four door, too."

Usman said: "Well there you go. This is almost too easy. Would you be willing to give us a lift to the cinema Friday night?"

Chad shuddered at the thought of having to crutch into a crowded movie theater foyer. "I can't go into the movie theater. But I can drive you there."

"Well, we would prefer to have you inside with us, but if you can give us a lift, we will be so happy."

They stayed with Chad for a while, discussing which movie they might like to see. Kevin was glad to see that Chad, even though he didn't plan to actually see the movie, joined in the discussion, and seemed to be happy to just be part of the crowd.

They finally agreed to meet at six thirty on Friday, right after the evening meal. Kevin saw Chad in the hall a couple of times, walking up and down on his underarm crutches. He obviously wanted to make sure he would make it out to his car OK. Kevin was pleased - it was a start.

Friday night, the four met in the fourth floor hall. It was the first time Chad was not wearing his dressing gown. Considering that he was only going to drive the others to the movies, he was remarkably well dressed - hooded sweatshirt, zippered cargo pants on which he had simply taken off the lower part of the left leg, and a soft leather loafer on his right foot. He even had expensive sunglasses pushed up into his hair.

Andy joked that Chad was obviously hoping to meet his girlfriend at the movies, but Chad quickly claimed that these were the only type of clothes his mother had left him.

They made their way down to the car park, and Chad directed them to a dark colored Corolla liftback in the corner. Usman wheeled himself up to the front passenger door and transferred himself into the passenger seat. Andy then sat down in the wheelchair, wheeled himself to the back of the car, got up, and tossed the folded chair into the trunk. They stowed their various crutches and piled in.

Chad pulled into the Odeon Cineplex parking lot about fifteen minutes later. He suddenly seemed very restless.

"What's up, man?" Usman asked him. "Are you thinking about joining us after all?"

"I didn't think I was going to…but sh**, I have to go the men's room real bad. I guess I could go back to Kessler and come back in a couple of hours to pick you up."

"Or you could go inside the cinema to use the men's room," Usman said. "Come on. You can do it. This could be your finest hour. You can follow us, so you'll be less visible behind the three of us."

Andy climbed out of the back and hopped to the trunk to get Usman's chair, and they set out in a "Chad and his bodyguard" formation. Some heads turned as the three young men on crutches and one in a wheelchair entered the cinema foyer, but all except for a few small children politely looked away again.

Kevin and Andy sat down on one of the benches in the middle of the foyer. Usman wheeled himself to the end, next to where Andy was sitting. They had only looked up at the panel listing the movie times for a couple of minutes when Chad returned from the men's room. He crutched over to them, clearly no longer caring whether anyone was staring at his missing leg, and sat down next to Kevin.

"Man, there was this little boy in there asking me all these questions…" He started to say.

Chad continued: "I was standing there washing my hands. There is this boy next to me who can hardly reach the sink. Suddenly he asks me: 'Excuse me, mister, do you only have one leg?' Should have been obvious. So just said, 'yes, I only have one leg.' So he goes on and asks me whether I will get a new leg."

"So I said, they are going to make a new leg for me, not like the old one, but one that straps on. I guess he was satisfied with that. He smiled and ran out."

Realizing that he was putting Chad on the spot, he turned to the movie listing board and said: "We just watched a sixty second clip for the new Shakespeare comedy while you were in the restroom. What do you think?"

While they had been talking, a group of girls had arrived and sat down on the bench opposite. Andy had checked them over with a well trained eye for a few seconds - senior high to university freshmen age, well chosen casual clothes, some quite attractive, one or two maybe a bit on the big side. He leaned over to Usman and whispered to him:

Andy took the three steps over to the group of girls, picking one that he had thought looked the most approachable.

"Excuse me," he said to her, "me and my three friends over there are all of us on crutches right now… would you be kind enough to help me carry some cokes back from the popcorn stand? I am Andy, by the way."

The girl got up, gave a knowing nod to her friends, and she and Andy headed over to the popcorn stand.

"Guess what" Roberta said to her friends when they returned, "Andy has bought all of us a drink."

Roberta introduced her friends, who had all just finished high school. Andy went along the row of guys sitting opposite:

"That's Usman, who is half way through engineering school - Kevin, just out of high school - and Chad… I don't even know what he was doing, but I know it is a very important day for him on Monday."

Andy continued, "Monday, Chad will start his rehabilitation in earnest, walking on a temporary artificial leg for the first time."

Chad smiled. Only half an hour ago he had sat in the car refusing to come in. Now, with some nice girls to impress, he suddenly radiated confidence.

"My three friends and I have taken a solemn vow to devote ourselves entirely to our rehabs/

…unless sore tempted by a maiden so fair, we cannot but give in to her wooing",

he gave a liberal rendering of the opening speech that they had seen in the clip earlier.

Everyone laughed, and they enjoyed a happy twenty minutes of company before heading into the movie together.

Chad's opening up to a return to a normal life brought another opportunity for the four of them - he had his father bring his electronic guitar to Kessler. They discovered that between them, they had a lot of musical talent to offer - Usman was good with the keyboard; Kevin had been a soloist in the church choir and had a range of music he had written himself to share, from rap to hymns; and Andy had been in a school band.

"Guess what one of the nurses has just given me" Kevin bubbled over with excitement when they were together one evening.

"You sound like a young and beautiful nurse has just given you a kiss," Andy teased. He knew that there was a clear split between him and Kevin when it came to their views on dating - he had always been ready for a one night stand if it offered itself, while Kevin was of the "wait for the right one" school.

"Yeah, she kissed me, and as you can see I have now turned from a prince into a frog…Seriously, she has given me this page from some girl's magazine" he held it between two fingers as if disgusted "yes, the famous TG18. They have a competition this week, looking for a newcomer boy band. The opening act for one of the London Boyzone concerts has canceled, so they are looking for - let me read this - "a highly talented band unspoilt by media overexposure, ready to take on the challenge of playing for an audience of twenty thousand" - all screaming girls, no doubt. "We are looking especially to invite a band that will bring a new dimension to the concert, maybe of social or environmental concern" etc, etc."

Kevin looked around. "What do you think? Do you think that we, as a Kessler rehab group, would maybe cut it?"

They had already been adding their various accompaniments to Kevin's songs. Kevin's brother James could come over for an evening to record some songs for a demo CD, using his laptop PC. They figured it would be easy enough to give it a try.

Andy stormed into the gym where the others were practicing their gait in mid afternoon, as fast as his crutches would carry him. "We've done it! We are going to be the opening act for Boyzone week after next!"

Kevin, following the others, grinned when taking in the scene and thinking they could soon be on the same stage with Boyzone. Andy had come in on crutches; Chad and he were making reasonable progress walking very gently on their temporary peg legs; Usman, heading over to Andy, was in fact making his first steps outside the practice bars on an artificial foot on the left and a peg leg on the right. They would obviously not rival Boyzone's dance skills.

"I just had a call from the TG18 editor. She says she really likes the idea of a boy band from a rehab institute. I hope you like her plan."

"Is there anything difficult about what she wants? Other than having all these girls looking at us, of course…" asked Chad.

"Well, for one thing, she wants us to give half of any money w make to a good cause, most logically Kessler. They will sell T-shirts with our logo, and copies of CD's mail order in TG18. And she also hopes we will be bold enough not to hide our disabilities, if we can deal with that."

They all nodded with approval. "We'll be on peg legs at best anyway. But it sounded like there would also be something we might not like?" Kevin asked.

Andy continued: "Well, there will of course be a big article in TG18 about us next week. You know, with interviews, and lots of pictures. And one of us will be TG18's centerfold next week. Not nude, of course. But pretty sensuous, anyway. You know, lounging on a sofa in boxer shorts."

Usman said: "I am OK with a few group shots, or also just me, but fully dressed. But the centerfold…oh man!"

Kevin said: "If you said yes already, would you be willing to do it yourself? I mean, with all due respect to Usman and Chad, you might make the best TG18 centerfold anyway…" Chad and Usman nodded.

Andy answered: "I'm definitely willing to do it. I was afraid we'd fight over who would do it, but if I am the only volunteer, that's easy."

Chad asked Andy: "You mentioned the T-shirt, so what of logo are they looking for?"

Usman was the first with an idea. "With all of us on temporary limbs, how about PEG4?"

Kevin said: "I like the idea, but I think we can make it sound even more dynamic by turning it around."

The TG18 team came to visit the next Saturday: photographer, story editor, and the editor-in-chief, Susan, who Andy had talked to on the phone.

"Let me explain to you what we are trying to do", Susan told the little gathering.

"We would like to produce a two page article covering the sorts of things the girls will want to know - how you started the band and what sort of music you play. And most importantly, some personal information that makes you likable. To a woman, a romantic fantasy is probably more important than the picture of a good-looking guy. We'll help them see one of you as the sort of guy they would dream of being with."

Kevin looked skeptical. "Do you have to make something up that the readers will like? I would not want to hide the fact that my favorite book is "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Josh Harris. His perspective is that casual dating means closeness without commitment, which mostly leads to pain. Instead, he says I should wait with dating until I am ready to consider marriage, and then make my intentions clear -the purpose is to discover whether someone is the right one for marriage. How will that look in TG18? Aren't boy bands supposed to be made up of available guys?"

Susan smiled. "Actually, Boyzone's Stephen has outed himself as being gay, and his band is going strong anyway. The best boy bands are made up of a mixture of quite different characters. That way, if a girl likes the music, she can find one of the members of the band to have a crush on."

Looking around, she said, "For example, Andy and Usman are both more the "available" type as far as girls go. Andy is the teaser, Usman the analytical type. Something like that. We can define roles based on what you have to tell us. But definitely portraying you as very different characters is exactly what I would hope for."

"We have a range of poses that have worked well in the past - the boy band group picture by the pool side, for example. Photos where they all wear dressing gowns, with lots of skin showing, go over well.

But for you, pictures like that could end up looking like a caricature. On the other hand, having only Franklin D Roosevelt - like shots showing only your perfectly formed upper bodies fails to show people in TG18 who feel good about themselves in spite of a disability."

Usman grinned at the "perfect upper body" compliment. "I recently read something about a medieval Mongolian painter. He was asked to paint a portrait of the King, who had lost an eye in an accident. The portray had to be true, yet conceal the blemish, or the painter would be beheaded."

"He chose the right pose - he painted the King with bow and arrow, naturally closing the one eye to take a better aim."

Kathy smiled. "Well, fortunately Susan is not threatening me with being beheaded.

I hear it was Chad's car that got you together as a group. As an example, I could do a shot of Chad unlocking the driver's door of the car. His good leg will be in the foreground, and he will have both crutches on the left to free up his right hand for the car key. That way, the crutches and the residual limb will be visible, but not in the foreground."

Andy said bluntly: "We're OK with you calling it stump instead of residual limb."

Kathy looked down. "It's a way to lessen the impact for myself, not just others…" Her voice faded.

Andy said in a much softer voice: "Maybe it is just as well that we bring that up, Kathy. Only a couple of months ago, I still had both my legs, and now one of them is gone. But you'll see for yourself just how relaxed I am to face up to that, talk about it, joke about it…so just let yourself be carried along by that." He looked her in the eyes. She looked back at him, realizing that they finally had the rapport they needed to do this story well.

The TG18 team had brought promotional packs of Calvin Klein underwear for each of them. The CK label would have to be visible on a couple of the shots.

"The product placement is aimed at guys who borrow their girlfriend's copy of TG18 looking for advice", Susan explained. "Unlike, say, Playgirl with its nude photos, most guys who read TG18 aren't gay. And then there's the girls who buy underwear for their guy, of course."

"Well, I definitely prefer to think of the girls who will drool over the photos when I pose for them," Andy said.

Kevin asked: "There'll be one type of woman drooling even more over the photos…Did the rehab counselor talk to you about devotees, woman looking for an amputee partner?"

Andy looked puzzled. "I don't remember… If you think back to our trip to the movies, there were five girls in the group I bought drinks for. Only two of them probably wouldn't have considered one of us as a date. In fact, one was OK with Usman even though he is in the wheelchair right now. Say half were OK with considering one of us for a date. Does that mean that half of all girls are dividees?"

"Devotees." Kevin corrected him. "No, not at all. Let me give you some numbers to explain. As you say, half of all girls might see your qualities first, the other half would be put off by the leg. That still leaves two million girls our age as potential partners. However, there are now an additional ten girls who are only into amputees. If they saw you by the pool side on crutches, they would faint with longing. Maybe they had a crush on the neighbour boy when they were little, and he happened to be an amputee, or something like that. So that's two million and ten girls."

"Sounds like I still have plenty of choice, but those ten girls must have a hard time finding Mr. Right," Andy remarked. "I guess if any of the two million and ten makes me an offer I cannot refuse after the concert, I am up for it."

Susan smiled. "Be careful with what you say, it could all end up in the TG18 article."

Andy shook his head. "I may sound like I am out to get laid left right and centre, but the truth is, one really nice girl is really all I am looking for…and yes, you can put that in the article."

They headed outside to the swimming pool for the first set of photos. The traditional bathrobe picture was definitely out, as it would have emphasized the missing limbs too much. Instead, Kathy took a picture of them sitting in a row on the edge of the pool. A second glance would be necessary to see that there were only three legs dangling in the water.

Then Kathy took pictures of Usman on the gym arm press, astride on the machine, with his wheelchair parked next to it; and of Kevin on a bar stool in their recording room with a mike and some sheet music on the table. This allowed Kevin to park a copy of his beloved "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" in sight. Taken from the left, it was another picture needing a second look to spot the missing leg.

Chad agreed to have a picture taken of him in the gait practice room. He was wearing his temporary limb beneath trainers. Kathy suggested he should not wear any shirt, and let the edge of the CK boxers show. Chad was skeptical at first - he didn't think he was muscular enough for a solo topless photo. Kathy showed him how, once he was using his arms to support himself on the parallel bars, the photo brought out the best of his physique. "Not all girls go in for the real muscular types, like Andy," she said. "You're more the DiCaprio type, and lots of girls go in for that."

It was Andy's star turn next. Kathy had brought several silk sheets for the lobby sofa. She and the other three guys were giggling as Andy struggled getting the sheets just right on the sofa, and then tried getting into the right position without messing the sheets up again. The final photo showed Andy from the left, in dark purple CK boxers. He was supported on the left elbow, with his left leg stretched out, the right stump only half visible between the sheet folds, and his right arm stretched out on the backrest of the sofa.

Kathy sighed when the photos were all done. Andy was gorgeous. What blue eyes he had. The TG18 readers would be knocked off their feet. A pity he was only eighteen, and she was pushing thirty-five.

Preparations had been hectic. The four had practiced their music dozens of times. They had decided to risk staying with Kevin's tunes, rather than cover well known hit parade tunes.

There had been meetings with concert organizers, rehearsals, outfits to buy… and at the same time, the four had to continue their rehabs to become more proficient in using their limbs.

The Earl's Court stage was dark to give them a chance to get to their positions. The audience seemed huge - twenty thousand tickets had been sold.

Usman was wearing his prosthetic foot on the left and the temporary peg on the right, while the other three were on their temporary pegs, so they all looked the same. They all wore white Jeans that had been taken in on the peg leg side, tapering down in width to emphasize the peg, and narrow enough at the foot to just allow the peg to pass through. They wore one red sneaker each, and a red bandage around the end of the pegs for symmetry. Black collarless jackets completed the outfit.

A man in a harlequin outfit came onto the stage between Andy and Kevin, and a spotlight came on, turned on him. The audience quietened down a bit.

"Ladies and gentlemen, for our opening act, we have a world premier to offer tonight. Please welcome 4GEP!" The man started to clap and cheer, while leaving the stage.

A cloud of dry ice drifted up, the lights came on, and the four were on stage, in the spotlight.

"We are so happy to be with you tonight" he started out, his voice echoing over the huge speakers.

"This is a bit of an unusual band - likely the first time a band has gotten formed by guys meeting at a rehab center." Kevin noticed that the chatter of the crowd seemed to change when he said "rehab center".

Undeterred, he went on. "Well, we are here tonight to prove that no matter what experience brought us together, we are the hottest boy band… this side of the Irish Sea of course." At this point, Andy took over. "Kevin, our lead vocalist, wrote all the songs you will hear from us tonight. As these are new, we'll ask Usman to play the tunes a couple of times over while we are getting ready, so you clap or join in better."

Their intro seemed reasonably well received, and they could see the girls in the front rows give interested stares at them, maybe picking their favorites already.

They had divided the programme into two sections of three songs each. The first part was a series of romantic ballades in minor keys. Kevin was soon putting his all into the songs and became totally oblivious of the audience, rocking gently back and forth while leaning on the mike.

The second set of songs was the more energetic, sing along, major key type. For a quick change of look, they had decided to simply take off the jackets at this point, revealing bright red 4GEP logo T-shirts.

An approving mix of groans and whistling went through the audience as the projection screen trained on Andy's muscular shoulders. At a signal from Kevin, they tossed their jackets into the audience.

Usman started to play the quicker-paced first tune. When he got to the refrain's tune, Andy and Kevin started clapping their hands over their heads, while Kevin shouted into his mike: "This is where you join in, OK?"

Kevin shouted: "This is our last song for tonight. I want to thank all who made it possible for us to be here, TG18, Kessler staff, friends, parents, brothers and sisters. A special mention to my brother James who invented the 4GEP sound at the mixer… here he is, give him a round of applause!"

James, also in white Jeans and red T-shirt, came from the back of the stage, waved, and headed back amid thunderous applause.

Usman started playing their final tune. When he got to the refrain part, Kevin and Andy started singing as clearly as possible for the audience to pick up the words. Between the stanzas, the audience was enthusiastically joining in for the refrain. What a catchy tune Kevin had put together!

With the crowd still repeating the refrain, the four marched out in single file, with Kevin still singing the refrain on the portable mike. This was the biggest challenge of them all - to walk on the peg legs while clapping and singing, without tripping up. They made it to the steps and headed down. Chad gave one last wave to the audience, and the crowd's repeat refrain singing degenerated into tumultuous applause.

Andy had convinced the Kessler rehab team to let them wear their new definitive limbs for part of the evening. As the end of the concert approached, they headed down to their changing room to get into their crowd mingling outfits: white Jeans, the red 4GEP T-shirts, and, for everyone except Usman, full prosthetic limbs with red sneakers.

They emerged into the foyer from the changing room corridor just as the first spectators started to arrive. While the majority of folks headed straight out, there were quite a few people who, once they spotted the 4GEP members, wanted to take the opportunity to see a boy band closer than Boyzone would ever let them get.

And there definitely some girls there who had read the TG18 article and now wanted to meet the guy they had picked as their favorite. Soon, girls trying to get TG18 photos signed surrounded them. Interestingly, it seemed that Chad, who had been so unsure that he would even let Kathy take the shirtless picture, had the most admirers lining up.

Kevin was so happy - he had done it! Here he was, still slightly clumsily leaning on the new limb, trying to make sure the knee didn't fold at the wrong moment - but he had achieved his dream.

The girls who tried to talk to Kevin had by and large read about him in his interview - he seemed to be getting requests to give talks at church youth meetings, but no attempts to bed him. Andy had quite a different crowd pressing against him from all sides - and he loved the attention he was getting from some stunningly attractive women.

Kevin had to rescue his brother once from a girl of maybe fifteen who thought he was just sooo cute, and tried to talk him into giving out his phone number. But otherwise, it was a pleasant half hour of being with crowds of fans. The Kessler nurses whom they had given free tickets to also stopped by, beaming with pride - they had after all done a good job getting these guys back on their feet!

Kevin, Andy, Chad and Usman were sitting together in Chad's room. A week had passed since their concert. They had spent a whole Saturday answering TG18 fan mail. 4GEP shirt and CD sales had been good, and a lot of money had started rolling in.

Kevin was the first to speak. "This concert will be an experience I won't forget all my life. But where do we go from here? Do you think that 4GEP is real, something that could be a success even without help from Boyzone and TG18?"

Usman hit the nail on the head by saying: "This has been such a powerful experience, I don't want to ruin it by squabbling over how we could continue. Let's see whether we can all agree on what to do."

Usman nodded. "OK. Here is what I think. It was great being a boy band for one night. But I feel my engineering school is where I belong. Having the 4GEP income pay for some of next year's tuition will be a great help. But I think we shouldn't get all puffed up and think we can be a professional band, up there with the best. And being a struggling, second-rate effort is not my idea of fun."

Chad said: "I am so glad you said that. I enjoyed my night of fame tremendously, but now I also won't mind being a normal person again." He looked at Andy and asked: "You were the one I thought would most likely want to continue…so how do you feel about it?"

Andy smiled. "I will be just fine heading for university this fall as planned. I have met enough of the two million and ten girls that Kevin promised to know what I can - and can't - get on looks alone."

They turned to Kevin. "Well, I am happy that we all agree that this is what we want to do. A summer of 4GEP is enough, great though it was."

Turning to Usman, he asked: "You know that Andy, Chad and I are being discharged in a week. I haven't heard for a while how your rehab is going. Are you also heading out shortly?"

Usman said: "Of course I envy you a bit for now being ready to head home. I watch you in gait training and see the three of you racing up and down the stairs like mountain goats. I have now started to use the hinged knee right leg, so I am getting there, but it is just that much more difficult with an artificial left foot as well."

He looked out the window, now seeming quite sad. "The truth is, I will likely remain a part time wheelchair user for the rest of my life. And I am just trying to work through how that is pulling me down with my girlfriend."

"Wow, at least you are dating someone… is it someone you met at the concert?" Andy asked.

"No, it is one of the girls who was at the movie theater the first night we went out together, Angela. The quick witted one who could respond in verse."

Chad asked him: "As we all share some of the same limitations, and I don't have any practical experience yet in dealing with them, is there anything you can - uh - share about what it is like, you know, being with a woman for someone in our condition?"

Usman gave a wry smile. "I know you are of the wait-until-you-are married school, but of course you must be concerned too whether everything will indeed be all right on the night… But please - Angela must never get the impression that I brag to my guy friends about my exploits." They all nodded, and Kevin and Chad hung on his lips as he continued.

"The biggest problem and limitation is the lack of spontaneity. I joined Angela at her parents' house in Godalming several times. Her parents have a large house with outdoor pool, and that was great - once in the water, I can move as well as anyone else. But when you are ready to go a bit further, you have to plan - is there a downstairs room we can use that's wheelchair accessible… and then the actual action is limited - we took ten minutes to figure a way for me to help Angela get undressed, but that's what the girls like - you know, when I gently and gradually work my way through the lady's outfit."

Now Andy chipped in. "You have to plan situations a bit more carefully, but there is still a lot all of us can do. And for the three of us who have one leg remaining, the need to plan is not as great. For example, the girl I saw last week wanted something very spontaneous."

Andy said: "No, you were all so busy with the screaming girls who wanted your autographs, I don't think you can have noticed her… I just decided to give it a try and called one of the girls who forced her number onto me after the concert. Tina, a fabulous looking girl of nineteen, lives locally.

The first time we met, I think she had this fear that I would get away from her before she got what she wanted. She had always dreamt of a having sex with a boy band star, and she somehow thought she really had to hurry things. So, after I stepped into the shower cubicle at her apartment, she flung off her clothes and quickly showered in the bathtub. So here I was, stepping out of the shower cubicle, and she was waiting for me in the nude with a towel, to rub me down. So after making sure the floor was non-slip - and that's the "plan carefully" part - I started to massage her with her towel, while she dried me off. And then we just kept going right there."

"I sat on the edge of the washstand while massaging her. And then she supported her weight on the washstand when we finally got to the climax. But yes, the first time, we did it standing up. I discovered that the way I can rotate the pelvis now is quite different to before - moving more freely. I do wish I had my other leg back. But this is what the rehab counselor told us to do - to discover what my body feels like now, and to allow it to give me pleasure, even though it may not be what I am used to."

Kevin said: "Well, Usman, you know I am the last person who can give advice on how to organize a one night stand. The easiest thing for us is to be with someone we know, where we don't need to figure out over and over how to do things. And maybe Angela is a person who you might consider marrying - it sounds like she has been a good person to be with so far. But if you want to stay in the one night stand scene - won't this be very easy if you have your own place, where everything is set up just right?"

Chad chipped in before Usman could answer. "Here we are, all of us giving advice to Usman, without having heard how things worked out in the end. So you initially had a few minutes of frustration. But I bet as you were working hard to make sure Angela had a good time, you were a better lover than any self-assured super stud she may have been with before."

Andy, looking sheepish, said to Usman: "I am sorry if I have bragged a bit too much, as if being a couple of minutes quicker or slower to get to business made the difference."

Kevin said: "The ones who are really "left out" so far are Chad and I… but that is by choice. I am glad both of you have been open and risked sharing some secrets. I think it is especially brave of Usman to admit that things took a while to figure out. We guys would all prefer to hide that sort of thing. And he has helped all of us, as we will all experience situations like that."

A week later, they had to say goodbye. After a group hug, they got into their cars, and Usman, who had to stay at Kessler a little longer, waved on the front steps until they had pulled out of the drive. Kevin leaned back in the passenger seat of his mother's car. He was going off to Exeter University in a few weeks. He was ready to face life in a way that three months before would have been unthinkable.

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