Dev Heaven

by Lee G.

That last encounter with Rob had upset Phil so much emotionally that he decided to watch the video of Jack - to look again at that precious record of the one time in his life when he had been happy. Phil nudged the video cassette box with his right stump until it fitted into the crook of his left elbow. Using the right again he pried the lid open, then maneuvered the box upside down so the cassette would fall on to the table. After that it was fairly easy to get the cassette between his stumps and to insert it in the slot of the VCR. Then a trip back to the table to slide a pencil into his mouth to use on the button on the VCR which was too small to push with either one of the spheres of flesh which formed his barely below elbow stumps. Then a walk to the bed where he could push off the prostheses from his below knee leg stumps to get himself comfortable.

The video had been taken by his mother the summer after Jack's amputation and before Jack's family had moved away. The opening scene was of Jack and Phil as 11 year olds in short pants running after and kicking a soccer ball. Jack was still learning how to use his leg. About every fourth step he failed to get the knee joint extended and locked properly, and so he toppled a bit. In the excitement of running and playing, Phil forgot to check where his feet were and toppled a bit, too. But neither one of them cared or worried about falling. Oops.. there was the first fall of the video. Both of them fell on the ball and each other and laughed without embarassment for the camera. Neither one of them was tall enough to fall very far anyway. Once down on the ground they wrestled and rolled around for a while. In the fun Phil's right leg came off, and Jack helped him put it back on. That led to some mutual examination of the way their limbs worked. Jack opened the valve so that Phil could pull the socket off Jack's stump with the elbow stumps.

The next bit of video was of the two of them back up on limbs and playing baseball. Jack pitched to Phil, who held the bat between the crooks of his elbows and demonstrated the strength and agility he had developed in the course of a lifetime of using stumps as hands. Phil hit the ball and started stumble-running. Jack took off after him and either fell or tackled him. More rolling and hysterical laughter.

Next came the watermelon eating scene with juice running down both their faces. And the seed spitting contest. The last scene was of the two of them walking down the path. Phil had an elbow crooked on Jack's shoulder. Jack had an arm around Phil's shoulder. The sun was going down. The end of a perfect day. End of the video....

Phil raised his arms to mop the tears in his eyes with his biceps. How happy they had looked in that video! Without a care about stares or about being awkward or slow or about falling or about being messy. Without a care because they were together.

Why couldn't that moment have lasted? Why did grown-ups have to ruin childhood happiness?

"Shit," Phil thought, "I'm headed for a full scale Pity Party here."

He tried to distract himself by reaching down to get his cock between his stumps. It was easy enough to get himself hard that way, but it was downright exhausting to get enough friction in the right places to get himself off. "God damn prick just isn't long enough! I can bat a ball better than I can hold myself," he thought for the umpteenth time. He tried all his usual tricks. Getting his cock up on a thigh and then rubbing with the opposite stump. Sitting up and bending forward. Lying down and curving the butt upward and forward. Each position was so tiring he had to keep switching. Then he would flop over on his belly to grind his dick against the mattress. Time. And time again. "There are guys who can suck themselves off and I can't even jerk myself properly. God damn it. Damn it to hell!!" Getting mad finally gave him enough energy to pound at his dick so hard that he came. And then he fell asleep sobbing and exhausted. He woke up an hour or so later and twisted around to look at the clock. His attendant was not due for hours. He had to pee, but didn't have the strength to crawl to the toilet. "Hell with it. Who cares?" And he simply let himself go in the bed.

So his attendant found him lying in piss, cum and tears. He let himself be picked up and carried to the tub, where he soaked while the attendant cleaned up the mess. An hour later, clean and with legs on he was ready for another round of playing Super Quad for all the world to see. Or, in this case, for Rob to see. What Rob thought of him had become very important, more important than anything in all the years since the summer of the video. He would start with an apology to Rob. He wasn't sure what to apologize for. For telling Rob that he liked him so much he hoped they could spend more time together? What was wrong with that?

He dialed the phone with a pencil in his mouth. He let it ring and ring and ring. Rob didn't answer. Where was he?

*******************

Rob had been upset by the encounter, too, without exactly knowing why. All he could think of was getting laid. Really laid. Like he used to do when he had legs and arms. Before that fucking infection had made them cut him apart to save his life. They should have just let him die.

Ever since then the only action he had gotten was through a glory of hole or in what he could do to himself with his arms. He looked at those arms. The stumps were longer than Phil's. Now why the hell was he thinking about Phil again? The last thing he needed was another quad mooning around him. It was bad enough to be one. To have to look at another one all the time was more than a body (or what was left of his) could bear. It was time to take himself off to a bar and look at some hunks with legs and arms. And maybe if one was drunk enough. Maybe. Just maybe he could figure a way to get one in bed.

It didn't work. He was the one who got drunk instead. At closing time he fell several times in getting out the door and to his van. He couldn't seem to be able to concentrate on the kick he needed on the above knee side. At last he got both legs into the van. He heard a clank as his below knee shaft hit part of the adaptive apparatus which allowed him to drive. "Shit," he yelled at himself.

He never knew exactly what he did to roll the van. It made no difference anyway. Nothing made any difference when he came to in the hospital and learned that he had lost the knee. That stump was now so high up as to be almost non-existent. Not only was he a quad, he was now stuck forever in a wheel chair.

Phil visited almost daily in the hospital. Rob's rudeness and indifference didn't seem to phase him. Many days, Rob said little or nothing. And when he did say something it was a complaint.

Then came the day when Rob exploded. Phil had, by bending over and leaning on Rob's shoulders, pushed the chair out on to the lawn, chatting all the while. "Damn it Phil, shut up! I'm sick of your God damned good cheer. Go be Super Crip to someone else. It won't work with me, buddy. You've got knees. You're not stuck down here to push this fucking chair with these fuckers." And he held up his arm stumps in the socks that gave him some protection when he shoved them against the wheels.

Phil exploded, too. "So that's it, huh. You're mad at me because you're more crippled than I am. You think you're so God damned pitiful, huh? Well, at least you can remember having legs and arms. Try living your whole God damned life like this."

"What the hell is the advantage of remembering? At least you don't miss what you've never had."

"How the hell do you know what I miss and don't miss, you selfish bastard." Phil was both yelling and sobbing by this point.

"They should have let me die."

"They should have never let me be born."

"I'll never get laid again."

"I'll never get laid."

There was a silence and then Rob said, quietly, "You mean, seriously, you've never had sex at all? I suppose you haven't. Shit man, that is a bummer."

Phil's tears changed in character. They simply ran down his face. Rob reached out a socked stump. Phil reached out one of his. They touched.

"Yes, it's a bummer. Let's go back in. You've got me horny as hell just touching my stump. You better leave me alone."

"You mean I turn you on that much that easily. Amazing! If I do that to you, what happens when you meet an able bodied guy."

"Nothing. Just you do it to me. And one other kid I knew when I was just a kid. He was an amp, too - one legged.

"Tell me about him. Didn't you jack off together?"

"No, never. Once we were in the bathroom, and he was helping me pee. I got hard. And so did he. I wanted his hand on me. I wanted to get a stump on him. I knew if I got down close enough to do that my mouth would almost be there, too. He was helping me down on my kness when my mother walked in on us. That was the last time she let us see each other. That night I had a wet dream for the first time. I dreamed I swallowed him. Not just his prick, but all of him. I woke up afraid."

"Geez, you are pathetic, Phil. You win the pity contest."

"I'd ask you to tell me about real sex, but I'd get so hot I couldn't walk at all."

"Where's your van parked?"

"Over there in the parking lot. Why?"

"Push me over there. You're gonna get laid, kid. At least once."

Inside the van, Rob had Phil lower him to the floor. They got themselves into position to work on each other's velcro flies with their arms and soon had their stiff cocks out and in those stumps. It was so easy for them to get their lips on those cocks. It was so easy for Rob to release his anger. It was so easy for Phil to release his frustration and love. It was so easy for both of them that it seemed they would never stop. And they didn't stop until both were sure there was not one drop left.

After an interlude of absolute peace, Phil said, "Shit, look at the time. I've got to get you back in there before they send out a posse for you. Hot damn. I got laid. Got laid in the back of a van. Hot Damn!! I didn't hurt your stump did I?"

"Which one? All four are throbbing. Along with a fifth appendage. You're somethin' else, Phil."

"You mean, I was ok?"

"Ok doesn't quite do it. Those elbows of yours are powerful, buddy. Give me 24 hours rest before we try that again."

"You mean, well, do you mean, we could, you know, do it again?"

"Sure thing."

Phil leaned over and planted a big kiss on Rob, knocking them both over. Their arm stumps automatically reached for each other as they rolled on the van floor with their mouths hungry for each other once again. Phil felt his cock upright again. And he felt Rob's, too, up against his stomach. In the next roll to get Rob on top, Rob's cock slipped between Phil's thighs. Automatically the thigh muscles tightened into an embrace. Phil thrust the backs of his thighs against the floor and pushed up to bore his cock into Rob's belly, coming again and surprising Rob into a second orgasm also.

"Look, no hands." Rob laughed as he examined the mess they had made on each other. Cum dripped down Phil's suspension socks and into the sockets.

***********************

Jack had not forgotten the summer of the video either. The memory followed him through high school. The memory made girls and even other guys seem pale in comparison. The memory didn't fade even when he met Ian. As a matter of fact, he talked about Phil so much that Ian was jealous of the memory.

Jack had gone for an adjustment on his limb, after what was surely going to turn out to be his last spurt of growth. Ian was the only other person in the waiting room. It was nice to find someone near Jack's own age to talk to. The old geezers who had lost limbs to diabetes weren't much to either look at or talk to.

But this Ian, kid ... well, he was fun to look at and talk to. He was red headed. His eyes were a startling green. He used the hook on his right arm to emphasize what he was saying. The hook on his left side just sort of hung there with the magazine Ian had been reading still clamped in it. The residual limb was evidently very short, way up near the shoulder. Then there were the outlines of sockets below both knees. And the shafts of prostheses peeked out under the cuffs of his khaki pants. A Quad. The first quad Jack had met since Phil.

With the instant camaraderie of two amputees, Jack was soon telling Ian everything.

"My best friend ever was a quad. The first summer after I lost my leg he had me playing soccer. And baseball. We must have been something to see! He didn't use hooks though."

"I'm pretty helpless without them. Can't hold anything with just one stump. This left arm just hangs from the shoulder unless I move it with the right one."

The limb shop was having a bad day. They sat and talked in the waiting room for at least an hour. Just when Ian was being called for his appointment, Jack blurted out. "Say, want to go a movie or something sometime?"

"Sure," said Ian. What did "sure" mean? "Sure, might as well because I've got nothing better to do?" Or, "Sure, I'd like to have a date with you?"

Jack hoped it was the second option. He had never had a date with anyone. And he wouldn't have said anything to Jack if he hadn't been so very, very conscious of a hard on for the last hour. A hard on that brought memories of Phil. And a hard on that visibly reminded Jack of his utter loneliness.

So they arranged for Jack to pick Ian up the next night at 7 o'clock. Ian had some trouble getting into the front seat of the car. Jack scooted over to help him down. Ian's left hook swung up against Jack's crotch. Ian wasn't aware of that. But both were aware of the clunk of one of Ian's leg's against Jack's.

"I haven't heard that sound since that summer with my friend Phil. Sure brings back memories."

In the movie, they put the popcorn box in Ian's left hook and balanced it on Jack's lap. Jack adjusted it so he could feel the hook through his shorts. Wow! What a turn on. And Ian couldn't get offended because he didn't realize what was going on!

Ian couldn't get much popcorn in his mouth with a hook. "Hey, man, you're getting more than your share of that popcorn. How about sharing some with me, Jack?"

So Jack laughed and picked up a handful and stuffed it into Ian's mouth. "That better?"

Ian sputtered out a response. "Mmmpff." Popcorn spilled out on his lap. "Hey, you've made me waste my share. Pick it up and give it to me again."

So Jack picked up individual pieces and fed them to Ian. The lap felt like it was firming up. Could it be?

In the darkness of the movie Jack continued to feed popcorn to Ian every once in awhile. And to brush crumbs off Ian's lap. And to scrunch his cock up against the hook left in his own lap. Every once in awhile there was another clunk of legs meeting. Jack wished he could feel Ian's limb against his own. What was Ian feeling along his thigh?

After the movie, Ian had difficulty lifting his body up out of the narrow confines of the seat. Jack automatically put a hand under the right armpit to help. As Ian raised himself their lips almost touched. Jack wanted them to touch, but was afraid. "Is it ok if I help you like that, Ian. I don't know when you want help and don't. You'll have to tell me."

"That was ok, Jack. I don't mind it from you. I know it's not pity."

As Jack drove Ian home he kept looking for an excuse to make the evening last. "This has been great, Ian. I've become a real loner. Like I said I've not had a real friend since that kid, Phil. Can we do it again?"

"Sure. I'm not exactly a social butterfly either. Next Friday?"

"Great. I guess this is your house. Want me to come around and help you out of the car?"

"No, let me just sit here a minute first. I'm having, well, I'm having a little difficulty walking tonight."

"Something wrong with a limb?" Jack's hand reached to touch the thigh nearest him.

"Not exactly. Maybe I'd better just tell you if we're going to be seeing each other again. You see. Well, you see I guess I'm gay. I've never told anyone that because there seemed no reason. But you've got me so turned on I can't concentrate on anything. I hope you don't mind. And don't mind that I've told you. I'll try to behave."

Jack's response was first to place a hook in his own crotch, then a hand in Ian's crotch as he leaned over to say softly, "Me too."

This time their mouths met. Jack's hand fumbled through the fly and found Ian's cock.

"Oh, God, that's so good," Ian sighed when he could. "Geez, I wish I could do that for you."

"For now let's just put this hook down my pants. It's kind of a turn on."

In the next kiss, Jack's hand received Ian's offering of cum. They were both so surprised that Jack came, too, spurting part of himself on to the metal hook.

"Jack, I've never done that before - come with another person around, I mean."

"Neither have I."

"You mean you did, too?"

"Yeah, look." Jack lifted the hook out of his pants with a few drops attached.

"Lift it up for me, Jack. I want my first taste of you."

"Next time let's work out a way for you to feel more, Ian. How about if you stay at my house after the movie next Friday."

"But I've never done anything like that. My family has to... I can't... I'm just totally helpless without this hook. And I can't get it on by myself. Shit, Jack, you don't want to have to deal with that."

"Ian, I don't think you're getting the point. I want to undress you. I want to get you out of that harness. I want to see you and touch you. And I want you to feel me. I've never wanted anything more in my life. And then I want to get you strapped up again and watch how agile and skillful you are."

Ian was right. He was totally helpless without prostheses. He had to trust Jack completely. Once unburdened of his limbs he had to wait until Jack put him back together again (like Humpty Dumpty, Jack thought). It was a courageous act of trust on Ian's part to let himself be with another person stripped of his prostheses. And it was a beautiful moment when Jack saw him in all his vulnerability.

"You are so beautiful. Ian. No, don't look at me like that. You are beautiful. Not a mark on you. Not a scar. Not even on that shoulder with nothing attached. And your arm stump is so smooth and round. Not at all like all this scar tissue on my thigh. I just want to look at you ... forever."

"Please don't wait too long, you tease. I'm stuck here waiting for you in this bed. I want some skin to touch."

He found skin. With his arm stump he explored all of Jack, including the scar tissue.

Then Jack gently eased him on to his back. And explored him with two hands and a cock.

"Can you get inside me, Jack? Please."

With some vaseline, Jack did. Ian lifted his knees to rest on Jack's shoulders. Jack needed one hand to hold up his right side and one to aim himself into Ian. It was slow. At first it seemed impossible. But it worked.

"You're in. You're in. Oh God, I love it. Now. Fuck me. Please."

Again it was not easy with only one knee, but Jack couldn't stop now. He poured himself into Ian. And Ian poured himself into the hand Jack hand had used to grab him at the last second.

"Jack, I sure as hell felt that."

"Next time let's try the other way around."

"But how?"

"Well, you've got two knees. You won't fall like I almost did at the crucial moment. I'll guide you in. Then I'll be all yours, baby. A helpless victim of your macho manliness."

"Don't joke like that, Jack. Even from you, I can't take it."

"I'm not joking. You're my man."

************************

Ian loved the sex. It was like making up for lost time for both of them. But he continued to be worried. He dreamed a new version of the anxiety dream of his youth. He was sitting naked on a table. His limbs were in a pile on the other side of the room. Everyone had left him. It was cold. He couldn't get down from the table. He couldn't do anything. Ever. Ever again. Jack hopped into the room naked. He hopped over to the pile of limbs and strapped on a leg. He put on a pair of pants but left his cock out. He waved the cock, said goodbye and left, too.

Ian woke up screaming. Jack rolled over to comfort him in a warm embrace.

He didn't tell Jack what was bothering him. He was developing quite a list of secrets - secret fear of abandonment, secret hatred of being so needy, and secret jealousy of Jack's frequent references to Phil. But, as far as Jack knew, everything was fine in their new home in a new city where Jack had a job in his chosen profession of making limbs and braces.

It was hard for Ian to talk about important things. His whole life had been lived in an atmosphere where words like cripple or quad were never heard. People even avoided words like hand and foot when he was around. Certainly no one ever talked to him about sex or love. It was as if he had been born without any more hope of experiencing them than he would have of growing hands or feet. It was actually real growth for Ian to use the word quad when he talked about himself. But he couldn't much avoid it in meeting Jack's colleagues and friends. And then when he got a job as bookkeeper in the limb shop he had to get used to being called on to demonstrate himself and his limbs for new customers. So he was no longer the thing no one dared to mention. It was just his inside things which he himself dared not mention.

It came as a real blow, then, when he heard Jack's voice yell out in the shop, "Lookee who's here. Ian get yourself over here and meet someone. As I live and breathe, it's Phil. Gee, it's good to see you. And you grew up to be quite a hunk, didn't you. Ian, just look at this sight for sore eyes. Ian, this is Phil. Phil, this is Ian. Ian knows all about you, Phil. I think I've described every moment of that summer we spent most of our time together."

"You know, I've got a video my mother took that summer, before she wouldn't let you come back any more."

"You do? I'd love to see it. You have no idea how much I think about those days."

"Me, too, Jack. I'll bring next time I come to town. By the way, I'm going to move here to go to graduate school. With my friend Rob. Soon as we get a few details worked out. Like where a couple of quads can live. And where we can get an attendant to help us. And stuff like that. I was checking you guys out for limb repair because that's on the list, too."

"No, shit. You're going to move here? And you've got a video of us as kids. This is one big red letter day! Right, Ian? Can you beat that? He's going to move here. We can help you with places to live and maybe an attendant and all that stuff. Right, Ian? Of course, I'm a pretty good attendant for a quad, myself. Right, Ian? And, say, you could even move in with us. We planned the place with lots of room. Right, Ian?"

There was no dampening of Jack's enthusiasm. Not even from Ian's silence.

On his next trip to town, Phil did indeed bring the video - and Rob. Jack, of course, insisted that they stay in his and Ian's home.

The first order of business was to introduce Rob. Jack's response to him was enthusiastic, too. "Welcome. This is something. Me with three gorgeous quads in one room. Wow!"

It was hard to tell what Rob's response meant. "Yeah, but only one stuck in a chair. Sorry, but I won't be a customer for that limb shop of yours, Jack."

Jack in the meantime was setting up the VCR for the video. He sat down between Phil and Ian, grabbing each by the thigh. "This is so great, you guys."

During the playing of the video, Phil kept lifting up a stump to point out a scene as he narrated. Often Jack would grab it as it went by to hold for a moment. "Yeah, oh yeah. I remember. Oops look at us fall.. and roll around. Ah, those were the days. What would happen if we rolled like that now, Phil? You sure did grow up pretty."

Ian and Rob were silent and apparently relieved when the video was over and they could move on to dinner. Ian's meticulous use of a hook for eating was so different from Phil and Rob's style. What they could pick up with stumps they did. What they could push in their mouths with stumps they did. Jack leaned over to Phil at one point and inserted a spoon in an elastic circling a stump. "Remember how I used to help you with this?"

"And remember how I always did better with corn on the cob and watermelon than you did? I was messy, but quick!"

When the guests had been put in the spare bedroom, Jack asked. "So Ian, what do you think of them? Aren't they great?"

"They? Rob and I hardly said a word all evening. What is there to think? Except that you've got to get me up early tomorrow and strapped together so I can play charming hostess for you and your long lost love."

"Hey, Ian. Are you jealous or something?"

"Who me? Jealous? No, I'll just be glad when we've got some peace and quiet again."

"I think you are. I think you are jealous. Come here you beautiful helpless hunk. You're in my power, you know." Jack rolled over on top of Ian.

"That's not funny, Jack. Not at all."

But it was true. He was in Jack's power. He needed Jack and he needed Jack's love and he needed Jack's proof of love in sex. Desperately. "Fuck me, Jack. Fuck me. Please. Like you did that first night I stayed with you." Already he was lifting his knees and scooting his butt against Jack. Already he felt his butt twitching. Already he was pulling Jack on to him with all the strength of his arm. The storm of orgasm cleared the clouds of Ian's emotions for a few hours. Until he dreamed the dream again.

When Jack rolled over to comfort him, Ian didn't quiet down. Instead he got on his knees and poked his dick up against Jack's butt. "Grease me up, buster. My turn. I'll show you who's helpless."

This orgasm was not quick or easy. Ian pushed himself into Jack with every bit of strength he had, pumping the muscles of his thighs and abdomen until they ached. When it was over they both collapsed exhausted. Until the alarm rang to wake them up in time for Jack to help three quads face another day.

*********************

Rob wheeled out to meet Jack in the hall when he heard Ian going to the kitchen to start breakfast. Already Rob could identify Jack and Ian by the sound of their strides. Both were fluid and graceful in walking, but there was a kind of meticulous care in everything Ian did on and with his prostheses - an intense focus on every detail of movement. Jack's stride sounded a momentary pause for the cocking of his limb.

Rob's greeting to Jack was "Hi, there, big boy. How's the weather up there at 6 feet? And don't you look butch and normal today. In those jeans who would know you're a crip? You're going to have to help me, you know. No bars in the right places to hold me in your bath, I'm afraid. I'll just be putty in your hands, big boy."

Jack didn't mind helping. But he was a bit bothered by this tone, especially so early in the morning after an exhausting night with Ian. "What the hell is going on here anyway?", Jack asked himself as he lifted Rob on to the toilet.

"The shorts need to come off first, silly," whispered Rob into Jack's ear as he was lifted on to the toilet.

"Sorry, Rob. I was distracted."

"Well, maybe we can help with your distraction. Now I need some wiping. Surely you've wiped a butt before - for our friend Ian. And, hey, did you ever wipe Phil's butt when you guys were so close. Bet you did, didn't you?"

"No. Never did. What's next? You seem to be giving the orders here."

"Well, pick me up and carry me over to that sink counter. Given the little that has been left to me by the miracles of modern medicine, that will do for washing me up... Say, nice muscles you got in those arms... Wait, look at us in the mirror.. We could pass for real hunks, at least down as far as the shoulders. Both of us have black curly hair. Both of us need a shave real bad. Real butch looking aren't we? And then look at me hanging on to you for dear life with my elbows and my bare legless butt resting on your hip. And, look at that, my cock is showing. We could call this portrait: Two Hunks Standing. Like the idea?"

Instead of responding, Jack concentrated on getting Rob washed up. He tried to be efficient. But he felt his own cock straining in his jeans. And he did a lot more washing of Rob's cock than was strictly necessary.

"My turn to help, Jack buddy. I've got just what you need. Fuck me. Right here."

"What do you mean?"

"Fuck. F. U. C. K. I think you know the word. Lay me down on the counter. Pull your dick out of your pants. Insert Tab A in Slot B. And.. surely you can figure out the rest."

Jack pulled down his jeans, stepped his good leg out of them, and left them hanging around his prosthesis. He grabbed some lotion which was handy to lubricate his Tab A and Rob's Slot B. The counter put Rob's naked and scarred butt at just the right height for Jack to pull them both together with his hands around Rob's middle. Rob waved his half-arms frantically trying to make contact with Jack's, which were now tensing with the strain of Jack's pumping. As he moved, the socket of his limb banged against the counter and his bare thigh slapped against Rob's flesh in synchronization with the panting of both of them. Jack lifted a hand to grab Rob's cock. Rob responded immediately in an orgasm that bounced him on the counter and clamped his sphincter around Jack to bring him off, too.

Rob's bravado was gone. He lay on the counter, exhausted. Tears were running down his cheeks. "Thanks, Jack. You'll never know how much I needed that."

*******************

In the afternoon, Ian took Rob for a drive around town and some exploration to identify which places were wheelchair accessible and which were not.

"I think Ian wants to test us by leaving us alone," said Phil. "It's really kind of a brave thing to do because he seems to be desperately afraid of losing you."

"Really? He has been acting wierd the last few days. I guess I just take our relationship so much for granted that I assume he will, too. But he doesn't really talk about how he feels. I sometimes think he is all caged up in that harness of his so that his real self can't get out."

"I sure don't want my reappearance in your life to come between the two of you, Jack."

"Well, I wouldn't want to split up you and Rob either."

"Don't worry about that."

"But I do worry."

"Why?"

"Well, I guess I just have to come out and tell you. This morning... this morning I was helping Rob in the john. And..."

"And what?"

"And he got me kind of hot.."

"And I can fill in the blanks. I was afraid of something like that. Rob gets kind of crazy every once in awhile. I've always been a quad. He hasn't. His sense of loss is overpowering. His anger is volcanic. The one thing I can't do for him is to prove to him that he is still normal and sexually attractive to normal guys. I remember the first time he got like this. He finally broke down and yelled, 'I can't fuck. And I can't get fucked.' I tried to give him what he wanted. I got us greased up ok. It took forever to get myself aimed in him. And I went limp in the process. Eventually we made it with him pulling me with his elbows and me pushing with mine and rocking on my thighs. But it was no fun for either one of us. So when he took one look at you walking around in jeans, and I sensed the volcano about to blow. I guess it did."

"I'm sorry, Phil. I don't know what else to say. It won't happen again."

"Don't say that unless you really mean it, Jack. Don't say it just to be kind to me because it won't be kind at all."

"I do mean it. Your friendship means too much to me. We go back a long ways. You are my oldest friend. What will you do about Rob?"

"What I've done for a long time. Try to understand that his acting out is not about me. It's not really a rejection of me."

"Lordy, Phil. Who could reject you? You're super."

"Yeah. Super Quad. Super Understanding. Mr. Perfect Cripple. Shit."

"You know that's not what I meant. You're super 'cause you're Phil. That's all."

"Gee, Jack, I've missed your rock solid support. That's what I missed most about you when we got separated. I could always count on you to come through for me."

"We were a great pair when we were kids, weren't we?"

"You ever think about continuing where we left out years ago?"

"Sure I do."

"I kind of think that's why Ian left us alone this afternoon. So that we would and get it over with. Do you remember ...?"

"Yes, I helped you down on your knees. Like this."

Jack opened his fly so that Phil's stumps could find and free Jack's cock. So that Phil could take it between those lumps of flesh like he had a baseball bat so many years ago. So that Phil could guide it to his mouth. Jack held Phil's head in his hand - at first tenderly and then more and more firmly as he shot in mid thrust so that his cum covered Phil's stumps.

Then he helped Phil to his feet so that Jack could kneel in front and lower Phil's trousers to reveal his thighs and prostheses. Then Jack took Phil's dick in his hands. Again, tenderly at first and then more and more firmly. Pulling out Phil's gift of himself that had been stored, waitng for this moment......

"What do you suppose would have happened if we had done this years ago, Phil?"

"Maybe it would have turned out the same, Jack. Me with Rob and you with Ian. It was good. I'm glad we did it. But frankly the bells didn't ring for me that ring when I'm with Rob. I'd never had hands jack me off before. It's kind of wierd when all you've ever known is stumps. I don't mean to offend, but you've not got the equipment I'm used to."

"Yeah, I'd put some hooks on you if I had my druthers. But you're right, the real point is that my commitment is to Ian. Do you think I should tell him about this?"

"I think so. Tell him so he knows he doesn't need to worry about me. Or about you and me. I wouldn't tell him about Rob, though. I don't see the point in that."

"Oops, I hear the car in the drive."

**********************

The next afternoon Jack called the other three together for a talk. "Here's the situation as I see it, guys. Phil and Rob, you can't find a place with enough adaptations to live in. And you haven't found someone to come in and help you. Yet graduate school starts in just a week or two, and you need to be settled by then. On the other hand, we have room for two more. A few bars here and there for Rob, and you'd do fine here."

"That's the practical side, Jack. How about all the other stuff. These last few days have been an emotional roller coaster for all of us."

"That's right, Phil. They have. I'm not saying it would be easy. We'd all have to be honest. Rob, about his need to prove he is loveable after all. Ian, you'd have to be more up front about your fears about me. And then there is the special relationship between Phil and me. All our stuff would have to be above board or we'd be basket cases."

"That's what I am already," Rob added.

"Come off it, Rob. If you meant that to be funny, it isn't. If you meant to get some pity, that's not the way."

"Sorry, Phil. Old habits die hard."

Ian said, "I'm not sure I can do this, Jack."

"If you can't, you can't Ian. That's what I need to know now. This is your house, too. If you're worried about Phil and me in such close quarters, we'll call a halt right now."

"That's not what I meant. What I'm afraid of is the talking about how I feel. I'll need help, Jack. Will you help me?"

"Sure, baby. Sure. That's what I'm trying to do now with this directness. No beating about the bush. We'll need some rules. For instance, everyone will need to be as independent as possible. That means you, too, Rob. And rule two will have to be that primary relationships are primary. If they get seriously threatened, it's all over."

"There's another thing we'd better have out in the open," said Rob. "There's the fact that three of us are quads and you aren't, Jack. You going to resent having to do for us? Or just plain get tired of it? And are we going to get jealous of you? We all know I'm capable of that."

"I thought about that, Rob. And I've got a wild suggestion for you all. How about adding some more guys to the mix. So that it is so crazy and complicated that no one gets hurt in a two or three against one situation."

"Who are you thinking of, Jack?"

"Devon and his two quad room mates."

"Devon the Dev who flirts with me at wheelchair basketball games?"

"The very one, Ian. Devon the Dev that you flirt with outrageously, waving your hook and hitching up your pants legs to show your limbs. Devon the only other guy I've ever know as queer for quads as I am."

"I do like his room mates. You guys would like them, too, I bet. There both congenital. Tory is literally just a torso with no residual limbs at all and only one shoulder really. He steers an electric chair with that shoulder. Pete is more legless than you, Rob, but he has two arms about 5 inches long. He's invented some crutches - one set for sitting in a chair and another for swinging his butt along the ground."

"I've got the picture," said Rob. "I'm also getting a picture of the three of them together."

"Kind of gets you hot, doesn't it. At least it does me, when I think about the three of them lined up in bed with Dev in the middle handling a quad on either side of him. Or of Tory and Pete butt to butt while Devon tries to give them an equal time blow job. Oh well, back to business here."

Phil shook his head, "Do you mean 5 quads and 2 devs under one roof?"

"Yeah, I told you it was a wild idea."

"Could the two of you manage the five of us with only four hands and three legs?"

"Well, if we couldn't, we could always find another dev, I suppose. It would be Dev Heaven, wouldn't it?"

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